I described this CD today as 'haunted' by which I mean it sounds like something made up for a creepypasta, but it's 100% real. So here's my attempt to explain what the CD is, how I got a hold of it, and why it is so creepy.
So, back in like 2008 or so, the local record store by my house would give out these samplers of songs from recent releases. Typically, the songs were mostly alternative rock songs with the occasional hip-hop or dance song thrown in, and through these CDs my family discovered a lot of bands who have since become some of our favorite acts. One of these CDs contained a track called "Commercial Word," which it detailed as coming from the "G.R.I.M. Retailers CD That Dirty Clown," but with no artist information given - only the song title, album title, and label - a label which I would later find was impossible to track down. This track fascinated my siblings and me, considering it's a minute-long blurb and advertisement for a doll, in the likeness of one Dirty Clown Jr.. A number of clues within the spiel suggested that the doll was fictitious, and that the ad was part of some other mythology - possibly a rock opera - if only we could find the CD.
I forgot about it for a while until 2013, when I was at the record store where we had originally gotten the sampler, and I remembered the song. I went to look for the CD, and sure enough, there were about ten mint-condition copies of That Dirty Clown sitting on the shelf - and just as the sampler had suggested, no artist information to speak of. The CD contains a suite of music which could be called a rock opera, in the loosest sense, though 'rock' is a generous term. The album is fourteen tracks, all of which - except Commerical Word - are slow, eerie dirges played on out-of-tune pianos and bells, heavily distorted drums, and digitally altered vocals. The lyrics tell the story of a woman named Becky, who becomes pregnant with the child of a scarred and emotionally-withdrawn clown, who leaves her before knowing she will bear his kid. The kid is born with a big red nose, just like his father, and tells his mother that he is destined to follow in the footsteps of his father, the Dirty Clown. The mother, desiring that the father see his son, eager to bring him pride and joy, bakes a devil's food cake (Dirty Clown's favorite food) in a hail Mary attempt to bring him back into her life. Dirty Clown returns to Becky just in time to see their son, Dirty Clown Jr, perform live on television... though Dirty Clown Jr's TV special was actually an orchestrated public suicide. After watching their son kill himself on television, Dirty Clown also kills himself, and Becky exiles herself to the sea where she pines away in the agony of a broken heart until passing away herself.
When I first listened to this album, it felt like Halloween in June. It is not a good album - there is nothing astonishingly musical or inventive about any of the tracks on this album. But it's unique in its mystery and in its creepiness factor. As someone who listens to a lot of creepy music, this CD probably takes the cake. And the question about who made it remains as well. A closer inspection of the CD itself reveals the creator to be a musician named Kacy Ross. Google reveals Kacy Ross to be the name of a prominent musician having shared the stage with "Warren Zevon, The Police, Cheap Trick, Todd Rundgren, and countless others." By that same token, he allegedly led the seminal alternative rock band Deloris Telescope, a band which is apparently enormously popular in Tampa Bay. However, a Google search for Deloris Telescope reveals very little information, especially for a band which is supposedly a 'household name' in a major town in Florida. On top of that, none of Kacy Ross's official websites or press releases make any reference to That Dirty Clown.
The CD is a total anomaly. Its almost near-existent web presence might lead some of you to believe I'm making this up, but I assure you, this CD is very real. And while usually I keep it in the very back of mind, it is there, gnawing away at me until once a year or so I am forced to listen to it out of sheer disbelief. That's, unfortunately, where the creepypasta ends. I never ended up with a Dirty Clown Jr. doll that stared at me while I slept or woke up with a big red nose. I have not wandered by bakeries peddling devil's food cake before significant traumas in my life. There is no hex or juju, as far as I can tell, instilled in me for having heard the album. All that said, knowing the album exists and not knowing where it came from is curse enough.
Today is 8/20/18, That Dirty Clown - Clown Queen Clownhttps://www.allmusic.com/album/that-dirty-clown-mw0001486433
Recommended if you like: Devendra Banhart, Ween, Sparklehorse
FUN FACT: I LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT THIS ALBUM AND IT'S NOT MUCH