Depressio's Sadtoons

[Mr. Teatime]

Oh man. We totally need to see more of Alexander. And I loved the horrible translations. This toon was enjoy, fun time use.

10/10.

[Depressio]

Depressio presents
One of those 1AM toons
Let's call it...
Capture Some Flag
----

Clonepressio, fun_timey, Homestar, and Jim Grim are gathered in a field

fun_timey: (to Clonepressio) No, I really don't know anything about "significant functions." And now that I think about it, I don't think there's such thing as a "can of nouget."

Homestar: Oh. No. Way. There is no way.

fun_timey: (turns to Homestar) What?

Homestar: You think you can face me with your face? I beg to differ. I'm begging here. Differ!

fun_timey: I don't know what you're saying, or who you're saying it to. So can you say it somewhere else?

Homestar: (wiping a tear away) Your logic is the sweetest gift of them all.

Depressio and That_Goblin walk on. Depressio is wearing a "Large, and Probably In Charge" t-shirt. That_Goblin is carrying a large pole

Depressio: Alright, group meeting over. It's time for a rousing game of Capture the Flag.

Jim Grim: That's the one where you dodge the volleyballs right?

Depressio: Uh...huh. Well, you're not on my team. Anyways, the rules are simple. There are no rules. Except for the following rules. Number One: Follow rules two through two thousands and two.

As Depressio is talking, Homestar turns to Clonepressio

Homestar: Hey mailbox, do you have those secret codes I asked for?

Clonepressio: Service protocols occupation.

Homestar: No fair! I ordered some high end products. Don't let me down, Mr. President!

Depressio: ...and finally, no cooking of prime rib and/or lobster subs during the competition. We don't want a repeat of last year. Now then, everyone is clear on the rules that I've already forgotten, right? Oh. And one more rule. No questions. Yeah. Now then...let's start with those team selections.

fun_timey: Don't we need a second team? And more than one flag?

Depressio: Oh yeah. Because of lack of supplies...

fun_timey: You mean no supplies at all?

Depressio: Because of lack of supplies, one team's flag will be this spare sash of mine from the early 80s. And the other team will use this oversized, industrial-strength pole. And since I'm already talking, my group will be defending the pole and trying to capture the sash. And don't go spilling anything on it: that thing is genuine vin-tage.

fun_timey: I disagree with everything you've said in the past ten years.

Depressio: Alright: my first pick is...uh...(looks around and then turns back to T_G) This guy over here. I can't recall his name at this point, but I'm sure it'll come back to me.

That_Goblin: (drops the pole and walks next to Depressio)

Depressio: And, uh...I won the bonus, so I can choose twice. I'm going to pick...umm...fun_timey.

fun_timey: What? Did you typo or something?

That_Goblin: (stares at Depressio, confused)

Depressio: Well, I figured we have to have someone watch our pole. And fun_timey basically lives in a pole anyways, so he probably knows his way around the place.

That_Goblin: (shrugs)

Depressio: Well, it's decide. fun_timey, you drag this heavymajig to our side. The rest of you, prepare to be rocked. And also...prepare for socks...for subsequent rocking.

Depressio and That_Goblin walk over to one side of the field. fun_timey drags the pole and slowly follows them.

----

Cut to Jim Grim, Clonepressio, and Homestar. The sash flag is on the ground

Jim Grim: Alright team, we have to weigh our options here. And they seem kind of heavy, so I suggest giving up.

Clonepressio: Difficulty level level of opposition.

Jim Grim: Hey, you're right! With our expertise, we should be able to set our minds to something.

Homestar: Oh! I have the plan. Listen up. We...are going...to win.

Jim Grim: Yeah. You're guarding the flag.

Homestar: Guarding the...victory!

Jim Grim: No, just the flag.

Jim Grim and Clonepressio walk off. Depressio and That_Goblin enter from the other side

Depressio: Oh man T_G, this is going to be easier than taking a flag from Homestar.

Depressio reaches for the flag, but Homestar runs up and slaps Depressio's arm

Homestar: You sir, have been tagged.

Depressio: Oh man! He's got me T_G! Make a run for it!

That_Goblin: (looks from side to side and moves to leave)

Homestar: Oh, that's what you think. But I've got...one half onion.

Homestar throws half an onion toward That_Goblin, who jumps to the ground and starts eating it. Homestar runs up and tags him

Depressio: Man T_G, he's breaking the rules. By...strictly following the rules.

----

Jim Grim and Clonepressio walk up to fun_timey, who is sitting on the pole

Jim Grim: (to Clonepressio) Alright, now, watch as I make contact with our opponent, using a sophisticated bit of intrigue.

Jim Grim walks up to fun_timey

Jim Grim: Umm...yeah, we're going to take the pole now.

fun_timey: Don't let me stop you.

----

Cut back to Depressio and That_Goblin. Depressio is looking at his watch

Depressio: OK, it's been several hours. I think we can leave now.

Depressio and That_Goblin stand up, but Homestar tags them again

Depressio: Oh man! He found the secret!

Jim Grim, Clonepressio, and fun_timey walk on, dragging the stump

Depressio: fun_timey? What are you doing?

fun_timey: Hey, I wasn't going to let them do all this work themselves! That'd be rude.

Depressio: Well, it's a good thing this was just a practice. Next game starts...now.

Depressio grabs the sash and runs off. Everyone else stands behind

fun_timey: So...who's up for "Tic Tac Toe: Millenium Edition?"


The End
Thanks for reading!

[That_Goblin]

Wow, that was hilarious! 10/10 for half-onions.

Well, since it's my last day before leaving for the summer, I suppose I'll write a toon of my own...

That_Goblin Presents
Sunny and Enraging
A Summer Holiday Toon
Produced by Clonepressio
Enjoy!

fun_timey, Clonepressio, and Homestar are standing outside of Depressio's house. fun_timey is holding a giant multi-colored lolly-pop.

fun_timey: (to Homestar) How is this thing supposed to lift my spirits again?

Homestar: Oh, maybe it's not for that at all. I use them for using them.

fun_timey: Oh, I understand.

Clonepressio: Location requiring location entrance.

fun_timey: Oh, yeah. We're supposed to find Depressio for our bi-annual payment of some sum of somes. By which I mean money.

Depressio opens his door and sees fun_timey

Depressio: If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. Stop eating from my garbage!

fun_timey: But those chocolates that you throw away every day are so delicious!

Depressio: Those are goblin pellets!

fun_timey: That would explain the craving I've been having for Goblin Gravy. Anyways, it's Summer Holiday. You owe us something...

Depressio: Oh, right. You may as well come inside, then...

Homestar pushes fun_timey down

Homestar: Oh! Me second!

Depressio: If you wanted to be second, why did you... oh well. I'm just glad that fun_timey fell down.

fun_timey: Touché!

Homestar, fun_timey, and Clonepressio enter Depressio's computer room. Soon after, That_Goblin, Fudley, Jim Grim, Gelatinous_Monster, Gilatinous_Monster, and Depressio enter. The room is now very crowded

Depressio: Ahem! Ok, everyone, I've gathered you all hear today to say that I am officially cancelling the Summer Holidays for everybody except for me and removing the bi-annual payment. Yay.

Depressio pulls a lever, and the carpet is sucked in, causing everyone except for Depressio to fall into a cave-like room.

Depressio: Is everybody ok down there?

Jim Grim: Actually...

Depressio: Good. Now, entertain yourselves.

Depressio walks away. Everyone stares at each other.

Gelatinous_Monster: (Screams)

Homestar: He's right! We have to find a way to... make coffee more popular in the workplace!

Everyone looks at Homestar awkwardly.

Clonepressio: Needing to reject excess oils constantly and/or deliciously

Clonepressio squirts black ink everywhere. Everybody starts yelling. While this is going on, T_G jumps on Gelatinous_Monster and is propelled out of the pit. He looks from side to side, shifts his legs, and runs away.

fun_timey: Woah! Woah! Woah! Everybody, calm down. Homestar, you were right! This lolly-pop has risen my spirits! Now, we need a plan to get out of here.


Jim Grim: Hmmm, I think I have an idea. Here, gimme that lolly-pop.

He snatches the lolly-pop from fun_timey

fun_timey: Oh, now I remember. I'm depressed.

-------
Cut to Depressio in Fudley's deli. He is behind the counter sucking cola from the drink fountain. That_Goblin walks in

Depressio: T_G! How did you get out?

T_G: (shrugs)

Depressio: Well, since you don't talk anyways, there's no point in silencing you. So, you can stay as long as you eat the breadcrumbs that I drop on the floor...

T_G: (Stares, and burps out a whole banana.)

Depressio: Oh, this'll be fun...

-----

Cut back to the pit. Jim Grim is eating the lolly-pop.

Jim Grim: Well, that didn't work... Any other ideas?

Homestar: We could....

Jim Grim: No. Anyone else?

Fudley: (Points to a ladder in the pit)

Jim Grim: (slaps his forehead) Am I the only one thinking here?

Everybody climbs up the ladder except for Jim Grim

Jim Grim: Well, it looks like it's up to me. Think Jim, think!

fun_timey (from out of the hole) Let's go get our $2.94!

The Sadmails crew runs to Fudley's deli, where Depressio and T_G still are.

fun_timey: We're here to stop you!

Homestar: I have good hearing!

Clonepressio: Cease and desist desisting.

Depressio: Ha! You make me laugh. i wouldn't be surprised if you all fell back into the hole that I dug for you. And by I, I mean That_Goblin.

fun_timey: Wait, T_G, if you dug the hole, how come you fell inside of it?

Depressio: T_G does a lot of stuff I don't understand. Now, are you going back into the hole or what?

Jim Grim (panting): No, but you are!

fun_timey: How'd you get out?

Jim Grim: Through a series of loud yelpings and eating the walls. No, let's give Depressio what he deserves.

Depressio: Wait! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

----------

Cut to Depressio's computer room, which is now without a hole. Depressio is sitting in a chair drinking juice while T_G and fun_timey are fanning him

fun_timey: Wait, how'd this happen?

Depressio: Quiet, worker!

fun_timey: Yes, sir.

Depressio: My drink is done! Waiter! Bring me another one!

Homestar comes wearing a suit.

Homestar: Here you go. It's my new creation. Creation flavour!

Depressio: This tastes funny!

Homestar: That was the nicest thing anyone’s' ever said to me. This is the greatest Summer Holiday ever!

fun_timey: What are you talking abo...
----------

Well, that's it. Hope everyone enjoyed it! See y'all in late July/ early August!

~That_Goblin

[Eh_Greg]

Wow T_G.........that was awesome and funny...................i don't know what to say.............
10!

[That_Goblin]

That_Goblin presents
One’s a campin’, two’s a crampin’
A summer camping toon
Go


That_Goblin, Depressio, fun_timey  Jim Grim and Clonepressio are all cramped into the sandwich kart. They are on their way to the “country” to go camping.

Depressio: Oh man, I require more seating. We’re gonna have to lose some Goblin here.

fun_timey: By the way, where am I driving to?

Depressio: To That Place, of course!

fun_timey: Oh, I didn’t grow up there!

Depressio: Well, it’s a good thing I installed a GPS system in this here robot.

Clonepressio: Access denied allowed permitted.

Jim Grim: That’s good to know.

Depressio: Shut up.

fun_timey: Is it just me, or is there someone missing?

Jim Grim: It’s just me.

The sandwich kart pulls up a sign that says, “Tuft of Grass, birthplace of music.”

Jim Grim: This looks like a good place to set up camp.

fun_timey: No it doesn’t.

Depressio: Well, I dislike all of you thoroughly, so me and This_Goblin are going on some sorta hunt. I hear there’s treasure about…or at least afoot.

Depressio and T_G walk off

fun_timey: Well, that just leaves this amount of people.

Jim Grim: Well, let’s set up camp before the grass monsters get us.

fun_timey: What?

Jim Grim: I think Depressio packed a tent somewhere in this talking microwave.

fun_timey: Are you talking about me?


Cut to Depressio and T_G. They are in another open grassy area.

Depressio: Oh man, T_G. I’m really running low on SAFARI BALL here.

T_G: (Stares blankly)

Depressio: T_G, are you sure you meant, “treasure,” and not waste of time?

T_G: (Shrugs)

Depressio: Ok, T_G. My inner-sources tell me that I should dig here. Hand me my “shovel.”

T_G hands Depressio a pair or iron boots. Depressio begins to stomp violently.

Depressio: Depressio is thrashing about.


Cut to fun_timey, Jim Grim and Clonepressio. Jim Grim is looking through Clonepressio.

Jim Grim: This isn’t a glove compartment! It’s just a compartment full of gloves.

Clonepressio: Maximum glove intake reached. Increasing glove capabilities.

fun_timey: Uhh…

Jim Grim: Don’t tell me what to do! Aha! I found something!

fun_timey: That’s just a big glove.

Jim Grim: Exactly!

Cut to Depressio and T_G. They are walking back towards the “campsite.”

Depressio: Oh man. I can’t believe all we got was half a sandwich that I brought over to begin with. Oh well. You can’t play the stocks without loosing a few rounds.

Depressio and T_G approach Jim Grim, fun_timey, and Clonepressio. Jim Grim is still inside of Clonepressio’s glove compartment, and fun_timey is stuck inside of the big glove.
Depressio: You still haven’t made the tent yet?

fun_timey: No, this is much more entertaining.

Jim Grim: I’ve made an executive decision that we’re sleeping in the rain.

Depressio: Or, you and those other yous could form a human/goblin tent and keep me dry.

fun_timey: But I don’t want…


The next morning

Depressio: (yawns) Well, I had a sub par sleep. Now, to disassemble the tent.

Depressio lures T_G over with a banana peel, and the “tent” falls apart.

Depressio: Well, this whole trip was pointless are treasure-less. We should at least get some fish for my patented raspberry fishmonade before we leave. T_G, you know what to do

T_G: (sighs and puts on a fish suit before jumping into the water.)

fun_timey: I’ve had enough of this. I’m going to the kart so I can collect my thoughts and share them with the radio. He’s the only one who seems to listen to me.

End.

[Mr. Teatime]

I think it is now quite apparent that the reason Depressio is snappy at everyone else is because he's so deprived a child himself. All he wants is some treasure. And everyone to do all his bidding, but no one ever does. That poor dear.

9/10

[Float_On]

Another awesome toon T_G. Keep it up.

10/10

[fun_timey]

I'm not sure, Teatime. It seems to me that Depressio is a perfectly happy guy. He bosses everyone around because he can, but he stays level when things go wrong. "Gotta lose a few rounds if you're going to play stocks," right?

[Valiant]

I like these Depressio's Sadtoons.  And now T_G is making toons too?  This is cool!

[That_Goblin]

Special Delivery
One 'o them 1:00am toons
By A Goblin
Away!

Depressio and That_Goblin are outside walking

Depressio: Oh, man, T_G. This 3:00am practice walk is just the preparation we need for our 6:00am walk to the curb. By 5:30 I expect you to be wearing your sweatband and have finished your essay on the fundamentals of essays about walking to the curb.

T_G: (stares blankly)

Depressio and T_G reach the curb. There is a notice there. Depressio picks is up and reads it aloud:

Depressio: Dear Mr. Pressio,

There will be a package delivery between the hours of 3- several. Please wait by the curb or have Some_Goblin wait for you.

A garbage can at the curb rustles, and fun_timey pops out.

fun_timey: Hey! Can you keep it down, I'm not trying to sleep!

Depressio: Hey, Oscar the Nobody Likes You, what's with this notification of deliveries? Did you remember to notify all of my deliveries like I told you to?

fun_timey: Yes, but that's not the point. I think this note means exactly what it says on it.

Depressio: No, it means exactly what it says on it.

fun_timey: Oh.

Depressio: Oh, this says that my order for an industrial sized sack of hay is on its way. T_G, I'm going to need you to sit here and wait for it to come.

fun_timey: But this letter says that it's coming at 40:00. I mean that's not even a time.

Depressio: Yeah.

Depressio walks back inside his house. fun_timey turns to T_G

fun_timey: I'd love to stay and help you, but I'm on a quest for that elusive pimento loaf that you lied to me about.

T_G is now alone. He sits down on the curb. While T_G is sitting, people begin to walk by. Homestar is the first.

Homestar: Hey, Goomba. Why is you waiting?

T_G: (points to the note)

Homestar: This isn't a hall pass! (rips the note in half) I hope you learned a lesson on being polite to your elders.

T_G: (stares blankly)

Next to walk by is Jim Grim. He is holding a bottle of hot sauce. He approaches T_G

Jim Grim: You look a lot different on the label.

Jim Grim walks away. Soon, T_G begins to doze off. After awhile, Fudley passes by, glues a bunch of flyers for discount flyers to T_G, then scuttles off.

------

Cut to Depressio waking up in the morning. He walks outside and sees T_G sleeping next to a box.

Depressio: Wow! There really was a box! I guess I owe fun_timey a box. But not this one.

Depressio opens the box to find That_Goblin asleep in the box next to a sleeping That_Goblin.

Depressio: What is going o...

-------------------

[Valiant]

lol great toon T_G!  Keep it up.

[Mr. Teatime]

Hmm...cliffhanger ending.

I think that 1am toons are the best toons.

[Depressio]

Note: When someone talks in blue, it's part of the commentary. Otherwise, it's part of the original email.

----

Depressio: Yeah, you probably thought that I wasn't going to do these anymore but...uh...here I am, and it definitely doesn't have to do with the fact that I confused this recording studio with my computer room. So...uh...whatever email I'm going to be looking at today is probably a good one. Let's go! Enthusiasm!

----

Email #89: Underscores

Depressio: I see this is from the period before I introduced colons instead of those dash things.  The reason being it took several months of legal resources and...jargon...before the guys in bookkeeping could secure us the rights to the colon. 

Here comes the email there goes the email here comes the email man!

Depressio: Yeah...I don't know what cartoon you're talking about...I've always made my own jokes...

sad_mail.exe

Depressio

How come most of your friends/people who annoy you all day long have underscores in thier names? Enlighten me!

Mr. Teh-ah-tim-eh (so you don't mispronounce my name again)

Depressio: Oh man, check it out, I'm totally going to mispronounce his name. Isn't that worth laughing at?

Well -ah-, I think that's a reasonable question...I mean...the underscore isn't even a real letter, unless Proposition 0.8  passes. But I guess I'll have to spy on interview these Underscorpios. I hears that they have a secret meeting place somewhere near the quarry. I also hears that there is now a quarry in my backyard.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Depressio: Whoa...what's with me and dashes? It's like I had to fill a quota to keep the sponsors happy. Yeah...get your Dash Dash Machines: They're Like Little Minus Signs©

fun_timey, That_Goblin, and Gelatinous_Monster sit in a makeshift tree house

fun_timey: Well, I'd like to start off today's meeting by welcoming our newest member, De_pressio.

"De_pressio" walks up in a fake moustache and a sash that reads "Inconspicous"

De_pressio: Wow everyone. Let me just tell you that this is a big treat to be among such highly underscorable individuals.

That_Goblin turns to fun_timey and whispers in his ear

Depressio: To get that sound effect there, the producers had to pay Gelatinous_Monster to turn a fan on to get that whispering effect. That would explain why this was the most costly smail of the mid-90s.

fun_timey: No, it's not Depressio. He's wearing a different colored strap-thing.

De_pressio: Well, shouldn't we start this meeting convention now?

Depressio: We actually rented out the "Meeting Convention" room, in case we decided to incorporate that into the email somehow. I think you can see it in the background when That_Goblin does his big musical finale.

fun_timey: Oh, right right. Well, for our first order of business, we're happy to report that That_Goblin has changed that sign in front of Depressio's house. Now everyone will have to stare at an underscore every time we come to bother Depressio.

Depressio: My favorite part about these emails is the fact that none of these links work anymore. I guess consumers were right: bitmaps hosted on a free internet server wouldn't last to the next millenium.

That_Goblin and Gelatinous_Monster nod in approval.

Depressio walks in

Depressio: Aha! So it was you! I've got it all on...memory! (Depressio stares at De_pressio) What the what is going on here?

De_pressio: Cover blown time to cover revealed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Depressio: What? We didn't even tie up that loose end! Who was that guy?

Well, I didn't really get to the bottom of those underscoring mysteries, but I did get to find out who's been stealing my sashes and painting them all crappily. And in the end, isn't that why all of you email me in the first place?

If you'd like to email Depressio, click over there - > survivorinbox@hotmail.com

Depressio: Uh...yeah. I think that's still as funny as it ever was. Sure, the audio quality might be a bit off, and none of the jokes work anymore, but in the end, isn't that why all of you email me in the first place? Anyways, I'm going to go. Right now. Before I lose any more consumer appeal. So...until the next something, keep reading those sadmail archives. Some of them might have spelling mistakes!

[Faded]

Great job. The commentary made it that much better....as usual.

[That_Goblin]

That_Goblin presents
Sickpressio
A Depressio's Sick "Short"
Backwards, March!

That_Goblin walks into Depressio's room. Depressio is sitting in bed reading "Depressio Weekly Magazine"

Depressio: Oh, man T_G, I feel as crappy as this editorial.

T_G: (stares blankly)

Depressio: Where's time_funny? He always never makes me feel better.

fun_timey enters with a lasso

fun_timey: Guess where I've been!

Depressio: Did you use scientific notation?

fun_timey: I don't know how that applies to the situation.

Depressio: I'm feeling a little under the weather.

fun_timey: Good thing I made this weather machine.

fun_timey sprays Depressio with a hose

Homestar enters the room eating from a bag labeled "cat food." He then trips and spills it all over Depressio.

Homestar: My brownies!

Depressio: That's it,, I'm getting up. I can't stand most of the smells in this room.

Depressio walks out of the room, and fun_timey follows. Once they leave, T_G and Homestar immediately jump in Depressio's pillows

Cut to Depressio and fun_timey in Depressio's computer room.

Depressio: Well, I might aswell try to answer some sorta 'mail.

Sad_Maiils.eaexsea


Dear Preddsio,

I
      is how you?

Certainly, I beleive..;

'+poqz




fun_timey: This is the best one yet!

Depressio: Ugh, I'm not ready to write Sadmails yet. I'm still sick. I'm going back to bed.

Depressio leaves the room, going towards his bedroom.

fun_timey: (to the computer) So, where've you been?

Cut to Depressio's bedroom. T_G and Homestar are spreading honey all over his pillows. Depressio enters.

Depressio: Get away from my sleep, I'm going to bed!

Depressio lies down on the bed, and immediately sticks to the pillows

Homestar: Oh, right, when we make honey pillows, we're supposed to eat them.

----------------------------