Depressio's Sadtoons

Open on Depressio's computer room. Everything is Halloween-themed, and a pumpkin is sitting where Depressio's computer would be. That_Goblin and fun_timey walk in

fun_timey: Oh man, That_Costume, we're totally going to special occasion all over Depressio tonight. When he comes to check his email, he'll notice...that there's a pumpkin there...and he won't be able to answer any emails!

That_Goblin: (nods)

fun_timey: So...did you put the computer in a good hiding place? And one that isn't covered in candy, so that Depressio won't be able to find it?

That_Goblin: (nods again)

Some footsteps are heard

fun_timey: Here he comes!

Depressio walks into the computer room, holding his computer, which has been carved like a pumpkin. He stares angrily at That_Goblin and fun_timey

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Halloween 2005: The Toon!
A Halloween 2005-themed toon
By Depressio

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Jim Grim is standing around in his house, dusting off the vacuum cleaner

Jim Grim: Well, it's just a matter of...(looks at watch)...numbers until all my invited guests come over for the screening of my Halloween-themed documentary on the usefulness of pillow cases in regards to trick or treating.

There is a knock at the door. fun_timey walks in

fun_timey: Oh...sorry I'm late...

Jim Grim: No...you're hours early.

fun_timey: I brought a sleeping bag, so I'm not going anywhere.

Jim Grim: Whatever. Make yourself as comfortable as set out by the charter.

fun_timey: (looks around Jim Grim's house and notices that there is nowhere to sit) Oh. Is this one of those anti-gravity parties where everyone floats around instead of enjoying themselves?

Jim Grim: I think you're at the wrong house...

fun_timey: Where are the chairs though? Sometimes I like to look at chairs and think about one day owning one.

Jim Grim: Oh man! You're right! I spent all this time picking out the red gummy worms and putting them in a separate bowl for Gelatinous_Monster that I totally forgot about everything important! But...I still have time! All I have to do is go to Fudley's and by the cheapest fold-up chairs a bag of change can buy!

Jim Grim walks off and then stops

Jim Grim: Uh...some guests might show up...so you should probably just hide under the rug.

Jim Grim runs off

fun_timey: (looks around and stops, smelling) Whoa. This guy sure loves obtrusive and very unnerving scents. It's like...someone got into my garbage cans and filled them with real garbage.

The doorbell sounds

fun_timey: What? Someone else likes to show up at inconvenient times to make other people uncomfortable! I have a conversation starter!

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Cut to Depressio walking along a path. That_Goblin is hopping behind him

Depressio: Hey, come on! You can't hop around all day. Unless...you spend the day hopping around like that. Fudley's Bag of Last Year's Carmel Corn is a one-time-a-time event!

That_Goblin: (keeps hopping to try and catch up with Depressio)

Depressio: Well...at least I can catch up on my reading...

Depressio stands there, yawning. Homestar walks by.

Depressio: Whoa. Did you take an orange bath or something?

Homestar: Yeah, and then I painted myself orange.

Depressio: Well...there's no way you're going to get to Fudley's first this year.

Homestar: Oh, I think you've got yourself an incorrect.

Depressio: So...it's a competition then, huh?

Homestar: I thought it was already a-

Homestar runs off

Depressio: Oh man! Come on, That_Goblin-with-Bounce-Fun-Action, we can't lose again! Remember when Fudley was giving away broken pencil erasers, and Homestar made a flying machine? That could have been US shaking hands with world leaders.

That_Goblin: (nods)

Depressio: We're going to have to find a way to increase our velocity, and...uh...encode our...acceleration. And I have just the plan! We'll show Homestar who's the slower land mammal!

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Cut back to Jim Grim's house. Gelatinous_Monster has arrived, and he and fun_timey are standing around

fun_timey: So...uh...

Gelatinous_Monster: (blinks)

fun_timey: Yeah...so yesterday, I got all of this really old licorice and children's chalk, and I-

Gelatinous_Monster: (screams)

fun_timey: Alright...uh...next card...(fun_timey picks up a yellow rectangle and looks at it) So...what's your favorite part of standing around in this house?

Gelatinous_Monster: (shrugs)

fun_timey: I disagree.

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Jim Grim runs into Fudley's and rings the bell at the counter repeatedly before picking it up and throwing it out the window. Fudley walks up to the counter, looking angry

Jim Grim: What are you wasting my time with your debating! I need sitting!

Fudley reaches behind the counter and pulls out a box marked "Party Supplies and Top 40 Hits." Jim Grim looks through it rapidly

Jim Grim: Well...it seems that all that's in this box is a half-eaten granola bar and Clonepressio's old flea collar, so I guesS I'll buy out the store. By which I mean, I'm sure you have something else. Would a roll of nickels change your mind?

Jim Grim holds out a jar of money. Fudley thinks for a second

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Cut back to Depressio, who is sitting on the ground with a rope tied around his waist. The other half of the rope is being pulled by That_Goblin in an attempt to move Depressio

Depressio: Come on! We're almost there!

That_Goblin shrugs, drops the rope, and hops off

Depressio: Hey! I own half the stock in this company!

Depressio runs after That_Goblin and into Fudley's store. Fudley is counting change the jar that Jim Grim had paid with

Depressio: (pant) Alright...Fudley, hand over the..."yesterday's delight."

Fudley: (shrugs)

Depressio: What! There's no way Homestar could have gotten here first. In fact, I saw him running around in circles about a block away from here. Who took the all-the-stuff?

Fudley: (shakes head)

Depressio: (noticing the Jar of Jim Grim's money) Oh, I see how this is. One day a guy is crawling into a plastic bag full of glazed vegetables, and the next, his loot is sold out to someone with something to offer! I'm going to get me a taste of the season. Come on, T_G. If you hurry, you'll be able to make it there by dusk.

Depressio walks off. That_Goblin sighs and hops behind him

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Cut back to fun_timey and Gelatinous_Monster, still standing around in Jim Grim's house

fun_timey: So...um...I helped decorate this place. I...picked out the wallpaper, and then he decided he didn't want wallpaper and told me to stop sending him wallpaper samples in the mail.

Gelatinous_Monster: (yawns)

Jim Grim walks back into the house, carrying the huge bag full of caramel corn

Jim Grim: Well...since most of the people here like to roll around on the floor anyways, I think I found the solution to-

Depressio runs into the house, followed by That_Goblin a few seconds later

Depressio: (pants again) Hey...that...(waves his arms around pathetically)

Jim Grim: What? Oh, this stuff is edible? I was just going to dump some on the ground and use the rest as insulation.

Depressio: (takes the bag, still panting) Snappy...retort...about...details...

Homestar and Fudley walk in

Homestar: See? I told you. This guy does have electricy! You owe me next year's Halloween handshake.

Fudley: (shakes his head)

Jim Grim: Wow, this is a pretty good turnout for a movie with poor audio dubbing and no ending. Well, time to start the projector. I'd better have it loop a couple of times just to get the message across.

Depressio: (holding the bag of popcorn) Uh...I just came to...

fun_timey: (grabbing the bag) No outside food or drink!

Jim Grim dims the lights and walks over to the film projector, turning him on. A clip of Jim Grim videotaping his feet repeats itself every few seconds

Depressio: Whoa...it's like...exposition...and at the same time, I want to leave.

Jim Grim: Don't worry. There's conflict resolution at the end.

Depressio: Really?

Jim Grim: Yeah, I ran out of film after a couple of hours.

Depressio: This is a good use of a night.

The End

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Depressio as Gourmet Guy
That_Goblin as Kuribo's Shoe
fun_timey as David Dunn/Sentryman
Homestar as Mackiest
Gelatinous_Monster as Wilson
Fudley as Fatbot
Jim Grim as Don Johnston
Clonepressio as DS

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The whole gang is standing around in Jim Grim's house after the movie

Homestar: Hey, host of the life of the party, I don't get your t-shirt.

Jim Grim: It has downtrodden symbolism, so I don't need to talk to you.

Clonepressio: Many inquiries two functions not one.

Depressio: Hey Gelatinous_Monster...that's a pretty cool costume. I mean...it kind of even impressed me. How did you get that splotchy action?

Gelatinous_Monster: (screams)

Depressio: Oh...Jell-O huh? Yeah, that doesn't answer my question, and I've lost interest in this conversation.

Jim Grim: (snickering) Hey...uh...Depressio...what is the secret to yours...(giggles) rosy cheeks?

Depressio: Well, you start by nurturing the pores and...heeey...

Jim Grim: So...uh...why are you guys standing here? Do you want an encore?

Homestar: My VHS recorder isn't working.

Depressio: Yeah. I'm going home.