Dangeresque 5: Dangeresque faces the Burninator

[Revan/anakinjmt]

Okay, this is my first attempt at writing H*R fiction, so bear with me. Hopefully, you won't suffer TOO much reading it lol.

Narrator: The name's Dangeresque. I'ma pie. That's pie as in P-I, as in Private Investigator. I've handled many a case, but none like my most recent. I call it:

Dangeresque faces

 

The Burninator

It all started when I was sitting in my office, doing some very important work on my state-of-the-art computer.

*shows Dangeresque on his Compy 386 playing Rhino Feeder*

Dangeresque: Oh man, snakes got me again.

*phone rings*

Phone: BRRRING! BRRRING!

D: Yo, you got Dangeresque here.

Reynaldo: Dangeresque? It's Reynaldo. Got another case for yas. Meet me at HQ a sappy...I mean...ASAP.

*hangs up phone*

D: Another case, eh? Sounds a-good to me.

*heads out of office to elevator*

*The Cheat, as repairman, blocks Dangeresque's way*

Repairman: emasema meme (Sorry Dangeresque, elevator's busted again. I'm working on it)

D: Oh man. It's always busted. Guess I'll have to jump!

*cuts to Strong Sad in his Strong Bad outfit falling from top of Bubs' Concession Stand*

SS: AHHHHH!

*falls on pile of bricks, replaced by SB at bottom*

D: Ha! No problem for Dangeresque!

Narrator: Unfortunately, that was the easiest...and least painful...thing that happened to me.

*car stops to a screeching halt, CD rolls by, making it look like hubcap came off*

R: What kept yas?

D: Had to stop at the electric store to buy a tazer...and a Milky Way *holds out a remote control and Milky Way bar*

R: Well, you'lls be needin' both of dose things for this. Seems somebody accidently woke up Trogdor, and now he's burninating everything he sees! At this rate, all of Free Country will be burninated by the end-a tomorrow!
You'll have to hurry before Trogdor--

*waits*

R(louder): I said, You'll have to hurry before Trogdor--

Strong Sad: Do I really have to do this?

Strong Bad: Yes, if you don't want to get kicked in the head...again...today...this hour.

Strong Sad: Oh fine.

SS as passerby: Run for your lives! It's TROGDOR!!!

TO BE CONTINUED...

[ChocolateMetal]

I'm liking this so far...

[Revan/anakinjmt]

Narrator: Naturally, I kept my cool. I mean, I'm Dangeresque! Danger is part of my name, after all.

D: AHHH! EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!

R: Hey, Dangeresque, you can't just run off when yur needed!

D: Oh yeah! Watch me!

Narrator: Okay, okay, okay, okay. So I did take off running. But then, I thought Wait, I'm Dangeresque. I need to take care of this problem. So I ran back.

D: Okay, Trogdor, show me what ya got. Put 'em up!

*looks like he's getting ready for a boxing match*

Trogdor: Trogdor! Trogdor!

D: C'mon man, That all you got?

*Trogdor looks at him*

T: Prepare to be burninated!

*begins burnination*

*SB replaced by SS wearing SB getup, Bubs uses flamethrower on him*

SS (while being burned): Ow! Hot! Burning! Pain! Ouch! Hot! I! Give! Up! Please! Stop!

SB: Bwahahaha! Turn it up Bubs!

Bubs: You got it Strong Bad!

*turns it up*

SS: Yeoowww!!!! Ahhhh!!

*dives into pirahna infested waters*

SS: Ouch! Biting! Fish! Losing! Blood!

*gets out of water, replaced by Strong Bad with plastic fish suction-cupped to him*

D (sounding not in pain at all): Well, that was painful.

*looks for Trogdor, sees no sign of him*

D: Oh man. Now I gotta go find him. But not before a Reesy Cup smoothie.

*goes to 7-11*

Bubs: Hi, Dangeresque. What'll it be today?

D: Just a Reesy Cup smoothie, Bubs. I'm in a hurry. Gotta find Trogdor.

B: Oh. I see. Hey, you wanna see my dragon slayers?

SB: Uh, Bubs, Trogdor is invincible. You can't kill him, remember?

B: Oh. Sorry Strong Bad. I forgot.

B: Oh. I see. Hey, you wanna check out my tazers?

D: Sure thing.

*takes Dangeresque back to stock room*

B: Look at this one here. This thing could knock out a dragon!

D: A dragon? Of course! I'll take one!

B: Okay. That'll be $250.95.

D: What? For a freakin' tazer and smoothie?

B: Oh. Forgot about the smoothie. That'll be $251.95.

D: Grr. *hands over money*

B: Thanks a lot, Dangeresque! Good luck with that dragon!

Will Dangeresque be able to defeat Trogdor? Tune in next time. Same Dangeresque time, same Dangeresque network!

[Revan/anakinjmt]

Writer's Note: I'd much appreciate it if you guys would let me know what you think of my story so far.

LAST TIME ON DANGERESQUE 5!

D: Okay, Trogdor, show me what ya got. Put 'em up!

*looks like he's getting ready for a boxing match*

Trogdor: Trogdor! Trogdor!

D: C'mon man, That all you got?

*Trogdor looks at him*

T: Prepare to be burninated!

*begins burnination*

*SB replaced by SS wearing SB getup, Bubs uses flamethrower on him*

SS (while being burned): Ow! Hot! Burning! Pain! Ouch! Hot! I! Give! Up! Please! Stop!

SB: Bwahahaha! Turn it up Bubs!

Bubs: You got it Strong Bad!

*turns it up*

SS: Yeoowww!!!! Ahhhh!!

*dives into pirahna infested waters*

SS: Ouch! Biting! Fish! Losing! Blood!

*gets out of water, replaced by Strong Bad with plastic fish suction-cupped to him*

D (sounding not in pain at all): Well, that was painful.

B: Oh. I see. Hey, you wanna check out my tazers?

D: Sure thing.

*takes Dangeresque back to stock room*

B: Look at this one here. This thing could knock out a dragon!

D: A dragon? Of course! I'll take one!

B: Okay. That'll be $250.95.

D: What? For a freakin' tazer and smoothie?

B: Oh. Forgot about the smoothie. That'll be $251.95.

D: Grr. *hands over money*

B: Thanks a lot, Dangeresque! Good luck with that dragon!

AND NOW, WE RETURN TO DANGERESQUE 5!

D: Oh man. I gotta stop Trogdor before he ruins my reputation...I mean, before he burninates everything.

*gets into car*

Doo-do chucka chucka chucka chucka chucka chucka chucka chucka doo-do doo-do!

D: Where should I go next?

*sees big guy in wise man robe ahead*

Strong Mad (as wise guy): STOP! (puts hand out)

*car stops, sounds of tires screeching*

D: Hey, get outta the road, bucko!

WG: YOU SEEK TROGDOR! YOU SEEK TROGDOR! YOU SEEK TROGDOR!

D: Alright, alright, shaddup already. Geez. You supposed to help me or something?

WG: (looks at him)

WG: YOU SEEK TROGDOR!

D: I know, I KNOW I do. Man, is that all you freakin' got to say?

WG: TAZER WILL NOT WORK. YOU NEED DOUGLAS!

D: Douglas? Who the crap is Douglas?

Homestar: I'm Douglas!

SB: Oh man, I thought I wrote you outta this one!

H: I know! Isn't it great?

SB: Um, so, I DID write you outta this one, and still you show up?

H: I know! Isn't it great?

SB: Okay, that's it. CUT!

Director: Take 5. And, ACTION!

D: Douglas? Who the crap is Douglas?

WG: DOUGLAS CAN HELP YOU! DOUGLAS CAN HELP YOU! DOUGLAS CAN HELP YOU!

D: Okay, okay, sheesh. So Douglas can help me. How do I find him?

WG: JUST KEEP GOING STRAIGHT! YOU'LL RUN INTO HIM EVENTUALLY!

D: Okay. Thanks...I guess.

*The Cheat wears a sign that says EVENTUALLY*

*Dangeresque runs into Douglas*

King of Town as Douglas: Ow!

D: Oh, sorry about that man. I didn't--wait, THE KING OF TOWN IS FREAKIN' DOUGLAS? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE POOPSMITH?

KOT: Well, he...um...got tied up. Yeah. He got tied up back at the castle.

*cuts to the castle, Poopsmith tied to a tower outside*

Poopsmith holds up a sign: Help! Anyone! Help!

KOT: So...he...uh...told me...to...replace him!

SB: Oh man! Fine then. Just don't go talking about any cocoa butter or anything.

D: Oh, sorry about that man. I didn't see you there.

Douglas: Oh, that's okay. I am here to help Dangerskew!

D: It's Dangeresque. DangerESQUE!

KOT: Oh right. Heh. It's hard to read these lines without my glasses on.

Douglas: I am here to help Dangeresque. Trogdor cannot be slayed. BUT, he can be knocked out and taken back to his cave, where we can seal it up. All we need is this!

DUN DUN DUN!

*shows a sheep*

Sheep: BAAA!

D: A sheep? How can a sheep help?

Douglas: Well, even The Burninator needs to eat. He eats this sheep, then falls asleep. Using my mystic powers, we move him to his cave and seal it up with this cocoa butter. Then, I eat the rest.

SB: I thought I told you no talking about any stupid cocoa butter!

*sees camera still rolling*

SB: Uh...

D: Okay, sure. Sounds like a good idea.

TO BE CONTINUED!

[Revan/anakinjmt]

Narrator: Okay, so I thought that Douglas was out of his mind. A sheep taking down Trogdor? But, Trogdor had to be taken down, and I was desperate.

D: Okay, man, we'll try it your way. But this better work! I got a massage scheduled in like 2 hours with this really hot girl. So hurry up!

Narrator: We set up the sheep in a pasture, then we waited to hide using our camouflage. No way Trogdor could see us!

*shows Dangeresque and Douglas holding up small cardboard bushes on sticks*

D: When the crap is this gonna work? My knots are getting knots!

Douglas: Just be patient, my boy.

SB: Boy! Who you calling boy, you fathead...butt...king?

KOT: Oh yeah? Take this!

*throws cocoa butter on Strong Bad*

SB: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NO FREAKIN' COCOA BUTTER!

Homestar (holding camera): Wow, this is a great video. I can't wait for TMBG to show up

SB: I thought I told you to go home.

H: I know. Isn't that great?

SB: What? No, no, it's not. Look, just get outta here would ya?

Director: Take 22. And ACTION!

D: When the crap is this gonna work? My knots are getting knots!

Douglas: Just be patient...wait, he's coming!

*Trogdor walks by, sees the sheep*

T: Ooo, sheep. Trogdor is hungry. I will eat this sheep before taking care of the Terminator.

*eat sheep*

CHOMP!

T: Oh, no, I am getting sleepy.

*falls to ground, sound of whistling followed by BSHH!*

D: No way! It worked! Hurry up, Douglas. I don't wanna miss my massage!

*move Trogdor to a cave conviently located right next to them*

Douglas: Okay, stand back Dangeresque. I'm sealing it up!

*uses a knife to place cocoa butter around stone blocking cave*

Douglas: There. Trogdor will never bother anyone again!

D: Man, it's about freakin' time. I'm late for my massage!

Narrator: So, I start to leave. But then

*cave starts to rumble*

D: Uh, what was that?

*Rumble, rumble, BOOM!*

*stone in front of caves breaks into a jillion pieces, Trogdor emerges*

T: TROGDOR!

D: Oh, man. Now I gotta miss my massage!

WILL DANGERESQUE STOP TROGDOR ONCE AND FOR ALL? STAY TUNED FOR THE CONCLUSION!

[HomeStarRunnerTron]

Oh MAN! Great job. I feel sorry for Strong Sad's burned body. You've really captured the emotions of all the different characters... especially Bubs!

"D: I'll take one!
 
B: Okay. That'll be $250.95.
 
D: What? For a freakin' tazer and smoothie?
 
B: Oh. Forgot about the smoothie. That'll be $251.95."

LOL! Well, keep up the great work... this definetely is a 10/10 story.

[Revan/anakinjmt]

Wow...found this lying around. Can't believe I never finished it. Well, here's my chance. Just in case any of you guys were wondering what happened, here we go!

By the way, I do apologize in advance if I'm not supposed to revive this, but I hate leaving this story untold, especially seeing how even I was able to laugh at my own stuff. I promise, next time I write a story, I won't wait over a year to finish it. Also, I'm sorry if this final chapter isn't up to par with the first bits of my story. Hard to get back in the swing of things when it's been over a year.

LAST TIME ON DANGERESQUE 5!

Dangeresque thought he had beaten the Burninator. That is, until Trogdor escaped from his trap. Now, Dangeresque faced a ferocious-looking Burninator.

D: Great. Just great. Gotta miss my freakin' massage. I hope you're happy Trogdor!

D: Now what do I do? Hey, Wise Guy. Why don't you...do...something wise and tell me what to do!

WG: YOU NEED TO BEAT TROGDOR!

D: I know, I KNOW! Gosh, can't you tell me how I'm supposed to?

*car phone rings*

R: Dangeresque? It's Reynaldo. Have you beaten Trogdor yet?

D: Um, no, because some stupid wise guy gave me crappy advice.

SM: I'M NOT STUPID!

*Strong Mad proceeds to chase Strong Bad*

SB: Hey, hey! I was only kidding! Hey, here you go, big boy. Here's your teddy bear!

SM: TEDDY! TEDDY!

SB: That's right. Go fetch the teddy!

*Throws teddy a long distance*

*Strong Mad chases after the teddy*

SM: TEDDY!

SB: Now that that's taken care of...

D: Reynaldo, have you got any freakin idea on how to beat Trogdor? My massage is in an hour and I hate being late.

R: Well, there is one option. You must find Trogdor a female dragon!

D: What? A female dragon? Where am I supposed to find a female dragon?

*fire comes from the right, burning Strong Sad dressed up as Dangeresque*

SS: Ow! Very! Hot! Burning! Pain! Once! Again! Ow!

*cuts to Strong Bad as Dangeresque with black sharpie marker colored all over him*

D: Wow. Talk about being burnt to a crisp. Where did that come from?

*looks to see Homestar dressed up as a pink dragon*

SB: WHAT? Homestar, I thought I told you to go home. And why are you a pink dragon?

H: I'm a dragon! I'm here to rescue you!

SB: Homestar, dragons don't save people. They burn them!

H: What's all this black stuff all over you? You need a washup. ACH PHOO!

*spits on Strong Bad*

SB: Uh, great. Now I'm covered in Homestar...saliva. Which is a whole lot worse than being covered up in regular saliva.

H: There you go. Now to clean you.

SB: Homestar wait!

*Homestar starts to clean Strong Bad with a kleenex, Strong Bad can be heard in the background, with Homestar heard in the foreground, but only Homestar can be seen, with Strong Bad now in a puff of black smoke*

H (in foreground): And get right here, and right here, and right here, and right here, and right here...

SB (in background): No! Homestar, stop! Strong Mad, where are you? Get this freak offa me! The Cheat, get over here and help me!

*Homestar moves away, revealing 1936 Strong Bad*

1936 SB: I say, you've wiped away all of my color. You miserable egghead!

H: Thanks! Come again sometime!

*Homestar walks away*

1936 SB: I say, I think I need help from The Sneak. The Sneak!

*enter The Cheat*

TC: enememememe (Strong Bad, what happened to you?)

1936 SB: The Sneak, I was about to say the same thing to you. Why do you look like a block of cheese?

*The Cheat takes out a pepper shaker and shakes it over 1936 Strong Bad*

*1936 SB sneezes, taking the gray off of him and reverting back to regular Strong Bad.*

SB: Whoa. Thanks The Cheat! Now, to finish the film.

Narrator: After a brief distraction, I returned to my objective: How to defeat Trogdor and still make it to my massage in an hour.

D: A female dragon? Where am I going to find one of those?

*enter Marzipan wearing same pink dragon suit worn earlier by Homestar*

M: Strong Bad, this is animal cruelty. Coloring fictional creatures like this. Especially in such a stereotypical light.

SB: Yeah, yeah, yell at me later. I just wanna finish my film!

D: Whoa, there's one! Hiya, Mrs. Dragon, are you busy tonight?

Female Dragon: I am here to help you by stopping Trogdor.

D: Whoa! Helping me stop Trogdor AND letting me get my massage? You, my friend, are golden. Like french fries. And certain brick roads I hear about.

Narrator: So I escorted the female dragon, or Linz as she was called, to Trogdor

D: Trogdor, this is Linz. She is here for you.

T: TROGDOR!

*Trogdor, who is Coach Z in a green dragon suit, moves closer*

T: TROGDOR LIKE! TROGDOR KEEP!

Narrator: And so, Trogdor and Linz went back into the cave, where they were never heard from again...at least for this story. With that settled, I made it to my massage on time.

*Dangeresque on his stomach on a cot*

D: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, baby, that's the spot. That's the spot!

*pans up to hot Homsar*

H: DAHAHAHAHA! I'M FOREVER YOUR GIRL!

THE END...FINALLY!

[Homestary]

WOW! THAT WAS AMAZING! You really captured what all the caractures would do! Wow. The brthers chaps should make that into a cartoon.

  Join the Homestarmy!