Depressio's Sadmail

[Depressio]

Email #12 - Depressedio

Why won't they write?  WHY?

Oh...yeah, I should probably check again now.

run_inbox.exe

1 New Message!

Whoa! Good work whoever! Let's...check this one out.

run_sadmail.exe

Why are you depressed Depressio?
Guitardude33

Well Guitarman, that's actually an OK question. I have been meaning to reveal my feelings to my audience for awhile now, so I guess now's a good time to-

Microwave beeps

Hey, my pizza pockets are ready! I'll be right back.

run_amusingstatuschange.aim

Depressio walks away, That_Goblin enters from opposite side.

T_G: stares at the computer, shifting feet around

T_G: cancel_thatthing.now

Status change aborted!

T_G: starts to type
Well Stephanie, my emotions are all over da place. They involve being hungry and not giving me that goblin forty dollars! Every day, I go and buy romance novels from the ninety-nine cents store and cry like a babee. I...mean babi.

Yes, so now you know my secrets, Stuart. Please feel free to use them against me. See you later nowman.

sned_tihs.giantpineapple

Message sent!

T_G: walks away

Depressio walks back

Mmm...nothing like a good pizza thing...

What? Oh...looks like...my email...already got answered. Whoa! I guess I'm that fast!

Well, that's about it for today. I gotta go buy some books now.


If you'd like to email Depressio, click over there - > survivorinbox@hotmail.com

[Depressio]

Email #13 - Survivor

Emails are good fun,
Except when people are dumb,
Dear Depressio...

run_sadmail.exe

Dear romance-novel-reading-hungry-not-forty-dollars-giving-depressed-dude,

What is it like being the host of Survivor?

Sincerly?
Not Guitardude33 (I swear on a Swedish fish)

Oh, NOT guitardude, eh? Well, it's not like you're the only one who emails me! I've got plenty other emails to answer.

run_inbox.exe

NO NEW MESSAGES

Oh man! Now I gotta answer this email.

Drumlover, hosting Survivor is like a great sports play. It requires a lot of unnecessary amount of time, lasts way too long, and gets a lot of people really angry at each other. It's still a lot of fun though. I get to plan out challenges and then get angry emails from past contestants! Not to mention those requests to open copycat threads.

Hey, I should probably check up on how those are doing, right?

run_cheatcam.wav

Host - OK every1, we're goin' to stat a challenge! Any suggestions?

Contestant: How bout...a Survivor thread?

Host - Good idea! You win immuniward.

OK, that's enough! So, saxophone, Survivor is awesome to host. Now, I gotta go check out how many "Survwinner" games have been posted in the last five minutes.

run_ amusingthing

[Not Guitardude33]

Not Guitardude33 plays drums as well as guitar. Maybe Not Guitardude33 should change his s/n to drumlover.

You've found the red feather!

[Depressio]

Email #14 - University

Email...it's like my own personal inbox!

run_sadmail.exe

Dear Depressio,

I heard from a relieable source that you attended a class or two at CGNU. Could you please fill us in on what class you took, who your professor was, and what the whole experience was like?

Filled to the brim with crap,
The Chort

That's a good question Chorterson. I have been taking a few classes. They're mostly just a nighttime thing, to pass the time while I wait for an email... I mean...yeah. Roll schedual!

roll_whatijustsaid.exe


7:00 - Arrival
7:04 - Start of Strong Mad's Paper Folding seminar
7:08 - End of Strong Mad's Paper Folding seminar
7:16 - Start of Strong Bad's lesson on how to be as awesome as he is.
7:52 - Time that Strong Bad actually shows up to teach.
7:54 - Time that Strong Bad calls the class crap for craps and vows never to teach again.
7:54 1/2 - End of Strong Bad's class.
7:57- Singing with Marzipan...no, wait...I mean...poetry with Strong Sad...I mean...GOING HOME!
7:70 - Homsar's moon rollerskating extravaganza!

Well Chorty, that's my schedual. C.G.N.U's alright. I don't really pay much attention to what anyone is talking about. I usually just talk with some of the alumni. Thanks to Kyle for tracking him down.

Yeah, I think I might just start my own university! I could call it the...Super Awexome Depressio Department, or S.A.D.D. Yeah...that'd be pretty cool. So, email me if you want to join. The classes I am currently offering are:

1. Sashes and the people who wear them.

That is all. Positions are available!


If you'd like to email Depressio, click over there - > survivorinbox@hotmail.com

[Depressio]

Email #15 - Depressiozik

It's another email! Just for all my fanses!

run_sadmail.exe

Dear Depressio,

What is your favorite type of music? It seems like there are lots of genres out now, so which one do you think is the best?

Typing in red,
SBsonic

I don't really wanna answer a music question tonight Super Sonic. I think the guys wanna hear me talk about something else.

run_nextone

Dear DDD (Dangerously Depressed Dude),

What kind of music do you like? Emo, punk rock, stupid.. umm... I mean... rap?

Rock On (If you don't like rap),
Guitardude33

Oh man! Two emails about the same thing! Well, now I gotta answer it don't I? Unless...

run_inbox

Just answer the freakin' emails!

OK fine. Sonic with the drum set, I'll answer your question.

I like all kinds of music, except for the kind with a beat, any instruments, or loud background noise. In fact, the only kind of music that I like is Depressiozik, which you guys can create by following these instructions.

First, record yourself typing on your keyboard. Next, remix the sound of you peeling potatoes. Finally, add in the sound of you attacking a wall with any sort of blunt object. That, my friends, is my kinda music.

Well SB and guit-man, that's it. You all should try my music at home, and in front of all your friends. Well, hopefully I'll get some new questions tonight, so that you can have a newer sadmail later. Or junkyard.


If you'd like to email Depressio, click over there - > survivorinbox@hotmail.com

[Depressio]

Email #16 - 3mail

OK everyone: It's time for Three Times the Depressio Funjob! Ready, go!

run_sadmail.exe

What do you think That_Goblin is doing right now?

flash to That_Goblin eating Depressio's spare mousepad

I guess that answers your question no-name. Next email!

Dear Jeff Aimee Depressio:

I really love your emails. They're funny.

The Returned,
-Priveleges_2.exe aka priveleges.

Thanks Privelegesundescore2dotee-ex-ee. I like your emails too.

Next!

Dear Melancholy Man,

What do you think of Guitardude33

Horseradish,
Not Guitardude33

Well, it's my old friend Not Guitardude, the guy who I like SOOOO much better than that other bassplaying-guy. Not Guitardude, you have class man. Serious class. Unlike that other guy.


Well, there's your answer, fish-bulbs. Until next time, I'll probably just be refreshing my email screen.


If you'd like to email Depressio, click over there - > survivorinbox@hotmail.com

[Depressio]

Email #17 - Sashtastic

It's email...again...even longer...tonight...right now...

run_sadmail.exe

Is there a story beheind that potato thing you wear.

Your pal,
Homestar of Light

Wow, this looks familiar. Super-familiar, actually. Woo!

Well Holestar, there isn't really much of a story.

run_thattimeiboughtthesash.divx

Cut to a field where Gelatinous Monster is festering

Hey...buddy...yeah...that's some nice goo you have there. Listen...I'm sorta looking for something in the "sash" vacinity. What'd ya got for me?

Gelatinous Monster pauses for a second, before vomiting up a "potates" sash.

Yeah...OK...sure. Thanks a lot. You always seem to know what to do.


OK, that's enough of that. I guess I have time to answer another email, right?

run_otherone.exe

Hey Depressio,
Don't you hate it when you buy a bag of chips and half of the bag is empty already? I've heard that it's to keep the chips fresh, but I want to know the real scoop.

Well, thanks anyway,
Seb

That's a good one, "Seb". Or should I call you...That_Goblin! Come on man. Just because I leave my computer on doesn't give you permission to send weirdmails. Yes...I do hate that though. You pay for a bag of chips, not a bag. If you want one of those, check out Delicious Bag.


That's it for now. If you want to email me, click over there - > survivorinbox@hotmail.com.  If you wanna email Gelatinous Monster, send me an email anyways!

[Jengajam]

Check out

sadmail1: french bands the flash toon

It's in the "so cool a Flash" section!

[Depressio]

Email #18 - Cash Stash

Check out Jenga's new flash toon! It put the "awexome" in "man that toon was really freakin' awexome!"

run_sadmail.exe

Hey, Dippy!

I was just happnin' round town and I was wonderin' where I left my sock. I'm hungry. Grab me a bite to eat.

Your buddy
Ham_sandwich345

turns around to see Homsar

Hey man...I think you're in the wrong toon. writes down sb's email on a napkin Go write that guy.

Homsar: eats the napkin Whahahahahahahahahahaha...I'm cleaner than a central office! skuttles off


Yeah, that wasn't much of an email. Next!

Dear Billy,

I recently heard you and a few friends went to the grocery store and bought 27 dollars worth of swiss cake rolls. Is this true? Also, can I have some? NOW?

From your good buddy,

Homestar Runner

Crap! Homestar found out about my secret cake stash . Now, everyone's gonna wanna have some! Well, there's only one thing to do now!

runs from computer into secret cake room and begins consuming everything

Ohh....I...I'm probably...gonna be awhile.

flash to Homestar (the member) entering the house

Homestar: Hey, Depwessio...oh...there's my email!

sits down at the compy

Deaw Homestaw,

Stay away from my cakes, you armless weirdo.

Love,

Homestar

Awwight. That's about it fow today folks. Nothing else to see here!


If you'd like to email Depressio, click over there - > survivorinbox@hotmail.com

[Depressio]

Email #19 - Assistant

It's time to answer an actual email from one of my tens and tens of fans! ...I mean...here's an email.

run_sadmail.exe

Dear Depressio,

Do you have an assistant?

Your brother frend,

That_Goblin


Oh, well isn't THIS a good email. Very unsuspicious, considering how my bi-annual Depressio Assistant Convention is right around the corner. This year, we have a record turn out of THREE people/goblins/monsters. Let's go live to the events!

run_foot-age.real1player

Depressio walks up to That_Goblin, Homestar, and Gelatinous Monster

OK guys: Let me see you're...resumes. walks up to Homestar

Homestar: BEEP! Sowwy, the pwoduct you selected is unavailable. Please make anothew suggestion.

walks up to Gelatinous Monster, now wearing a tie

GM: shifts around from side to side

Nicely done, and excellent use of tie. I'll keep in touch.

walks up to That_Goblin

OK dumpus, what do you got?

TG: shifts feet around, handing Depressio a resume

"That_Goblin.
Skills: Can make some fruit juices.
Past Employment: Cardboard sampler.
Goal: Sandwich?
Recommendations: Half a bag of moose candy."

Well, can't argue with that. shudder That_Dumbface, report to work on Monday.


end_thatcrap.rightnow

is covered in slime Well, I have a new assistant. He's not really good at much, and choosing him over Gelatinous Monster may not have been a good idea. fingers stuck to keyboard

OK the paper, you can...stop this now.


If you'd like to email Depressio, click over there - > survivorinbox@hotmail.com

[Depressio]

Yay! Threads are being saved!

Well, expect a new sadmail from me soon enough.

[Depressio]

Email #20 - Big Game

Yeah! I'm back in action! Like that movie...

run_sadmail.exe

Dear Danny,
Thanx for the comliments! What, in your opinion, is the most important college football game this weekend?
Other Assorted Condiments,
Not Guitardude33

Who's Danny? And I don't recall giving out any comliments.

Anyways baseman, I definately know of...a lot...of football games this...weekend...cause...you know...I'm all up...on the...sporting events...of this country. In fact, the most important game of the year is going on in my backyard, right now! Let's take a look. No? Well, fine.

run_paper.exe

If you'd like to email Depressio, keep reading the freakin' email!

Haha...yeah...

walks outside to see fun_timey and That_Goblin facing Gelatinous_Monster and Homestar Runner in a game of touch football

Well, what's the score?

Homestar: Um...olives. Yeah, that'd be so good right now.
fun_timey: It's 0-0. We haven't even started yet. Did you bring the ball?
Depressio: Oh...about that...all I could find was my old Mac 0S1...I'm not really up on round things.

Depressio passes the computer to That_Goblin, who can't even lift it up

Well...commence game!

Everyone stares blankly

fun_timey: There isn't anywhere to go. This backyard's like...four feet wide.

Tumbleweed goes by

Depressio: OK, That_Goblin and whiney_whinerson get a penalty for not doing anything. Other's team's ball!

Homestar grabs the computer

Homestar: Whoa...does this thing have...online solitawe?

Gelatinous_Monster oozes over and grabs the computer in his mouth

And Gelatinous Monster has the ball! Get him!

fun_timey: I'm not touching him! That's disgusting!

Gelatinous_Monster walks into the "endzone."

Homestar: Hooway! A home wun!


1 hour later

Yeah, as you can tell, that was the most exciting game of football EVER, man. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time! And what a close game, too. 6-0. And that's WITHOUT decimals!


If you want to email Depressio, click over there - > survivorinbox@hotmail.com

[Depressio]

Email #21 - New System

Hey, who stuck my thread back here?

run_sadmail.exe

Dear Depressio,

I heard that you plan on making a new video game system with one video game. If so, what will you name them, and how will they play?

Form...or From,
Soy Butter Snake

That's a good question SBS...yeah...that sounds kinda familiar. In fact, your sources at http://www.depressiorulez.org are correct, and I am indeed working on my first video game console. Of course, it is going to redefine awesome. I'll even give you folks at home a sneak peak. ...Or...peek.

Remember, no flash photography is permitted on the tour, and spit your gum out. I don't want wads all over the place.

run_makingof.wmp

We see Depressio walking into a pawn shop

This is me buying some of the spare parts I need for my system.

We see Depressio watching TV and looking totally zoned out

This is me carefully plotting out the design for my machine.

That_Goblin and fun_timey are in a white room, crossing off the "X" in "XBox" and replacing it with a "D."

Here we see my skilled employees adding the finishing touches to my D-Box: the ultimate video game sys-

The door breaks down and a bunch of men in suits run over to Depressio and tackle him to the ground

While being handcuffed and escorted out of the door Well folks, until hopefully next time, keep sending your...

There is silence, and fun_timey walks out of the room

f_t: Hey Depressio, do I at least get a free D-Box?

fun_timey looks from side to side


If you'd like to email Depressio...

[That_Goblin]

Email #22 – Goblin's Gravy

That_Goblin waddles over to Depressio’s computer, shrugs, and sits on the stool.
Email, oh ah email, oh ah,

run_inbox.exe

Dear Whoever-You-Are,
What is your favorite type of food?  Do you like gravy?
-ChickenWingz


Well, turkeyman, it's a good thing that you brought this up, considering that thanksgiving is right around the corner.

Anyways, I like chicken wings...with gravy.
In fact, I made my own gah-ravy just for this occasion.

run_gravytrain.food

Ah, here it is :
http://www.shadybrookfarms.com/pix/gravy.jpg

So there you have it Gobbles. My special gravy... made by me...and nobody else...yeah.

Ok, I gotta go do my next show now,
see you later night time, or nice time!                        
                                                                           
If you want to email That_Goblin, then just PM me...
-> By my profile...

[Depressio]

Email/Snailmail #23 - Cereal

Depressio bursts through his door, looking angry or tired.

fun_timey: Hey, some guys took away your computer and all your XBoxes DBoxes.

Depressio stares blankly

fun_timey: Oh, yeah. And That_Goblin sold your archives for a vacuum cleaner.

Depressio walks away without saying anything. He grabs a pen and paper, and begins to dig through his actual mail

Yes! Someone still wrote to me.

Umm...run_paper.rightnow

Nothing happens, but Depressio opens the letter

Dear Depressio,

Do you have your own cereal? You should. It could be called "Depressi-O's."

-Brendan
Ottawa

Oh, that's original. Maybe I'll get sued by the Trix rabbit.

Well, since this is the only piece of mail I can get at, I'll have to answer it.

writing

Dear Brandin STOP

I believe I will try it now STOP Wait a second STOP You won't be able to watch this will you STOP Well in that case STOP


Hey, melan_choly!

fun_timey walks up

Yeah, get the camcorder out. We're going to send Brandin from Iowa a video tape.

Depressio walks into the kitchen with fun_timey close behind

OK, first I'll need some Generic Corn Tufts...

pours some into the bowl

Next, take all of the marshmallows out of your favorite/favourite candy-filled cereal.

picks up a bag of Shug-R-Treets and pours them in

Then, carefully remove all the Corn Tufts you put in during step one.

picks away at the cereal

Finally, pour in generous amounts of hot fudge and jimmies. Caramel will do fine.

covers the food in liquid and sprinkles

Well Brenda, that's the way to make Depressi-Os. Here fun_timey, why don't you should her how delicious they are?

15 Minutes Later. Depressio mails the tape to Brendan

Whoa, that's the best papermail ever! Not only does this guy get a guide to cereal-making, but he also gets live footage of fun_timey's stomach problems, UNLEASHED

Now all I need is a computer...


If you'd like to email Depressio, click over there - > survivorinbox@hotmail.com He'll get at 'im somehow.