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Poll
Question: So...the 200th email and the end of Sadmails...
Well done. *clap* - 15 (38.5%)
Hmm...pretty interesting. - 1 (2.6%)
Eh. - 3 (7.7%)
*sniff* I cried during the credits. - 20 (51.3%)
Total Votes: 39

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Author Topic: Depressio's Sadmail - NEW -> 55 Guests (Yeah, for real.)  (Read 74289 times)
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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: 2nd Anniversary! NEW -> Two Years and Counting
« Reply #840 on: November 13, 2005, 10:04:50 pm »

woot congrats on having your tree-mendous staying power my main man.  keep up the good work man
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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: 2nd Anniversary! NEW -> Two Years and Counting
« Reply #841 on: November 15, 2005, 02:20:03 am »

Email #199: Industry

199 emails? Yeah. That's something to write about.

sad_mail.exe

Gratings, The-pressio;

Eye am riteing a reeport on East Dempsee, and I need to know wat kinde of industries there arrrrrrrr there. The probleghm iz, taht eye due knot noe wat a 'industri' is.

What iz the meening of life?

Ur bestest freind in teh whole wided worrrrrld,
Robert Harmen


Hey. Yeah. This is far too many words and languages for me to properly answer. Though it does give me a good opportunity to show everybody my latest and...maybe greatest acquisition: The East Dempsey Walk Around and Buy Places Game. I mean, what better way to learn about local industry by pretending that you own it?

Now...I just have to find...2 to 4 players...

----

Cut to Depressio, That_Goblin, fun_timey, and Jim Grim sitting on the floor

Depressio: Alright...fun_timey, did you divide up the "Money Credits."

fun_timey: Oh...I thought that stuff was broken confetti, so I just-

Depressio: Looks like you're 'Calculator.' You lose a turn.

fun_timey: But I-

Depressio: Alright. Now, before we get started, let's all choose a comical piece to play as.

Jim Grim: Can I be the pewter Clonepressio?

Depressio: Alright. And That_Goblin...you can be...the bronze Clonepressio.

That_Goblin: (sighs)

Depressio: I'll be the Depressio's computer. And fun_timey will have to be this property card, because I lost the rest of the pieces.

fun_timey: (looking at a property card) This will only serve to increase my net worth.

Depressio: Alright. Now we roll to see who goes first. And since I don't trust you with the dice, just think of a number.

Jim Grim: ...8.

That_Goblin: (blinks)

Jim Grim: No wait...8.

fun_timey: Eight...teen!

Depressio: Alright, the number was "one," so you all go last.

Depressio takes the dice and rolls them. He moves his piece a few spaces forward

Depressio: Alright: the hedge outside of fun_timey's house. I'll totally pay the 3 bread crusts for it. Alright, That_Goblin, since you were the closest without going over, it's your turn.

That_Goblin: (rolls the dice and moves his pieces over. He takes out a card, and then hands it to Depressio)

Depressio: "You went to Fudley's and thought 'Buy One Get One Free' entailed getting something for free. You lose all of your money, and you owe the game a dollar."

Jim Grim: OK, it's my turn, right?

Depressio: No, it's my turn again.

fun_timey: (picks up the dice and rolls them) These squares have dots on them. (moves his piece along a few spaces and then looks at the board) The Dumpster Behind Gelatinous_Monster's house?

Depressio: Whoa. Prime real estate.

fun_timey: I think I'm going to save my money by never spending it under any circumstances.

fun_timey walks out of the house

Jim Grim: Alright, now it's definitely my turn...

Jim Grim rolls the dice, and they fall into one of Depressio's vents

Depressio: That's just...

Jim Grim: Don't worry...I'll just pretend that I got a "one thousand"

Jim Grim keeps moving his piece around the board

----

Back at Depressio's computer

Depressio: Yeah...so maybe the board game doesn't give the most accurate portrayal of the economic transactions in East Dempsey. But...uh...besides Fudley's, I don't think that a lot of cash gets thrown around here. Most of us just dump sacks with dollar signs on them into a hole outside of the restaurant and find eclectic supplies on our doorsteps within the next few days. Now that's business!

But...I guess if you really want to see money in action, you'd have to go to West Dempsey, where the lights are bright, and the bills have...smiles.

----

Cut to Depressio and That_Goblin, both dressed in tourist-type clothes, wandering around in West Dempsey

Depressio: Whoa! T_G! Check it out! That's totally where that one celebrity made a faux-pas!

That_Goblin takes a picture

Depressio: Hey! Check out over there! A bank! They're YEARS ahead of us!

Depressio and That_Goblin walk up to an ATM. Depressio scratches his head

Depressio: A TV in the middle of the street?

That_Goblin mashes the buttons and an error message pops up

Depressio: I think it wants us to put in another quarter.

That_Goblin shrugs and keeps depositing change into the ATM

Depressio: Well...I think that about wraps it up here. The lesson is: A sound infrastructure is a well-balanced financial establishment.


If you'd like to email Depressio, click over there -> survivorinbox@hotmail.com

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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: 2nd Anniversary! NEW -> Industry
« Reply #842 on: November 15, 2005, 02:59:30 am »

Dempsyopoly brilliant!!!

If you ever make that game intoa  full fledged easter egg here's some more properties for ya:

Neo's Pad
The bridge of Death
D_B's house
The water works
The 4 internet cafe's

truely a gweate email.
8/10
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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: 2nd Anniversary! NEW -> Industry
« Reply #843 on: November 17, 2005, 12:10:33 pm »

Pure freakin' genius.

10/10
« Last Edit: November 17, 2005, 12:11:14 pm by mackiest » Logged
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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: 2nd Anniversary! NEW -> Industry
« Reply #844 on: November 22, 2005, 05:18:43 pm »

WOO MONOPOLY

WOO E-MAIL USED

WOO WOO


....I'll stop now.
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HISSATSU! MATEROYO...!
ITTEIYO!! FULL THROTTLE!
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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: 2nd Anniversary! NEW -> Industry
« Reply #845 on: November 24, 2005, 04:22:21 pm »

Wow, awesome sadmail! Way to go, 'Pressio!

T_G
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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: 2nd Anniversary! NEW -> Industry
« Reply #846 on: December 21, 2005, 02:28:00 am »

Open on Depressio's computer room very late at night. Jim Grim is standing there wearing all black

Jim Grim: Oh man. This pilfering is going to be even easier than that time I found all of that loose change. I just need to wait for my junior operative...Stealthy Subtle.

The doorbell rings, followed by loud knocking. Jim Grim tiptoes towards the door and opens it. fun_timey walks in, wearing a glow-in-the-dark sweater

Jim Grim: (whispering loudly) Hey! I thought I said discreet!

fun_timey: This is the most toned down I'm going to get.

Jim Grim: Did you bring "the dossier?"

fun_timey hands Jim Grim a crowbar

Jim Grim: Alright...here we go!

Jim Grim walks over to the computer and tries prying it open. He pops the top off of the monitor and looks inside

Jim Grim: Oh man, nothing! We're never going to find the 200th email, which means that our plan of subsequently storing bits and pieces of it in our invisible warehouse has probably hit a standstill.

fun_timey: So...what are we going to do? I'm pretty sure the email is somewhere, but I'm also thinking it could be nowhere.

Jim Grim: Keep looking! I hear this house has a bag of trash, and that's a great hiding spot for most everything!

Jim Grim runs off

fun_timey: I really hope this doesn't mean another "banana peel variety show..."


----

200th Email Coming Soon




« Last Edit: December 21, 2005, 02:29:27 am by Depressio » Logged

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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: NEW -> No 200th Email...Yet
« Reply #847 on: January 03, 2006, 01:21:56 am »

Depressio and fun_timey are facing a camera

fun_timey: Umm...that blinking light started blinking.

Depressio: That means we're on.

fun_timey: I don't trust you with much.

Depressio: Yeah...umm...hey everyone. I'm Depressio. And that guy over there isn't Depressio. And we're here to give you a message about 2006.

fun_timey: You're supposed to call it "next year."

Depressio: I really doubt that. Anyways...we here at smails thought it would be a good idea to talk about some of the changes that are going to be made around here. Cause if there's one thing I'm good at, it's making unnecessary changes to things.

fun_timey: I would know. I used to be That_Goblin.

Depressio: (turns to fun_timey and then looks back) Umm...yeah. Anyways...2006 is a new year. It's one more than 2005 even. And since we're pretty much behind the times anyways around here, I figured we'd try to bring in some hot new products from this past holiday season. Observe fun_timey over there: he's sporting everyone's favorite impulse item: the portable music machine!

fun_timey: Yeah...umm...I really don't see how attaching one of my old cassette tapes to my back constitutes as anything. And I really would have preferred if you used tape rather than school glue.

Depressio: Also, expect this thread to be full of lots of 2006 celebrities. From television too. And movie television. We've already signed that puppet from that sitcom, and there's more on the way.

fun_timey: I don't trust that guy.

Depressio: And last but not anything...the biggest twist of all: brand new cast!

fun_timey: what?

Depressio: Yeah...um...if there's one thing we need, it's a spunky love interest. And if there's one thing we don't really need, it's not being able to pay anybody.

fun_timey: So...basically you don't have any money, but expect to hire a whole new bunch of people willing to take lousy roles in a scarcely viewed thread?

Depressio: Pretty much.

fun_timey: Pick me!

Depressio: Yeah...I'm going to go put up a flyer next to a trash can or something. Happy 2006 everybody.
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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: NEW -> Still no 200th email...but a new short!
« Reply #848 on: January 20, 2006, 03:29:09 pm »

Good stuff, keep it comin'.
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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: NEW -> Still no 200th email...but a new short!
« Reply #849 on: January 30, 2006, 08:46:46 pm »

Email #200: Grand Finale

Depressio walks into his computer room and notices that That_Goblin, fun_timey, Gelatinous_Monster, Fudley, Homestar, Jim Grim, and Clonepressio are waiting for him

Depressio: What the...did someone leave the dog door open or something?

That_Goblin: (shakes head)

fun_timey: Come on, Depressio. Just do your thing.

Depressio: Uh...

Depressio sits down in the chair. Everyone else gasps and leans over his shoulder

Depressio: Hey! I can't do this when you're all watching me!

The group walks off. Depressio types sad_mail.exe, but does not hit enter. He instead stands up from his computer and walks out the door

----

Cut to Fudley's Restaurant, where the group (excluding Depressio) has gathered. That_Goblin is making fruit drinks, and Fudley is behind the counter, scrubbing bills with a washcloth

fun_timey: OK...OK...It's my turn.

Jim Grim: Go for it.

fun_timey: ...Nickel!

Jim Grim: No.

Gelatinous_Monster: (screams)

Jim Grim: No, not that either. The answer was "dime."

fun_timey: I was way off.

Homestar: (to That_Goblin) Hey neutral expression, I've got a hankering for some of your icy devices.

That_Goblin hands Homestar a fruit drink

Homestar: Hey, I never asked for flavor!

Depressio walks in

Depressio: Oh man. Populated. (clears throat) Look everybody...I'm just stopping in here to say...I'm not stopping in here anymore. I got a job offer as a "technical advisor" for "The Technical Advisor Variety Hour," so I'm going to need to pack things up and move out to West Dempsey.

There is silence for a few seconds. Depressio shrugs and walks out

fun_timey: There's a WEST Dempsey?

----

Cut back to Depressio's house. There are lots of boxes stacked everywhere. That_Goblin walks in. The computer still displays "sad_mail.exe" on it

Depressio: Look man...you're officially in charge of the house from now on. So that means that fun_timey isn't allowed on the carpets unless he's been washed with that special shampoo.

That_Goblin: (nods)

Depressio: And...uh...instead of a key, I just left this drawing of a doorknob. I figure you could handle things from there.

That_Goblin: (nods again)

Depressio: And...uh...don't let Fudley trick you into buying any of his "service charges." And if he tries to repair your digital watch, tell him that he's got the wrong address.

That_Goblin: (shrugs)

Depressio: So...I'm going to go say goodbye to the locals. I'll be back to pick up my stuff after.

That_Goblin: (shrugs again)

Depressio: Yeah...

Depressio walks off. That_Goblin sighs, looks down, and then walks away

----

Cut to Depressio in a field with Gelatinous_Monster

Depressio: Look man...I appreciate you giving all the guest appearances in the emails. Especially with your appearance as "The Right Idea" in that stage play I never saw.

Gelatinous_Monster: (screams)

Depressio: So...yeah. Keep on doing whatever it is that gets you thousands of dollars in sales a year.

----

Cut to Depressio standing outside of Fudley's

Depressio: So...Fudley...

Fudley: (holds up a piece of paper marked "Pressio's Tab")

Depressio: Yeah...about that. Uh...I didn't know the currency at the time of most of those purchases...so I'm pretty sure they're void.

Fudley: (shakes his head)

Depressio: Not budging, huh?

Fudley: (shakes his head again)

Depressio: Oh man. Now I'm going to have to pawn off some classic Depressio memorabillia.

Depressio takes off his hat, revealing his blue hair. He hands the hat to Fudley

Depressio: That could net you four, maybe even four seventy-five on any low-grade auction!

Fudley: (nods)

Depressio: Yeah...I guess I'm going to need to wear a "business hat" in the Slighter Bigger City anyways. Maybe like...a trilby...or...a top hat...anyways...I'll see ya.

----

Depressio, still without a hat, is talking to Jim Grim

Depressio: Hey...you're from West Dempsey.

Jim Grim: That's what it says on my T-shirt.

Depressio pauses, and then shakes his head

Depressio: ...Anyways...what kind of advice could you give me. I'm going to need a place to sleep, a place to eat, and a placemat.

Jim Grim: Well...you could always use the apartment that I talked myself into buying back in the apartment craze of the early decades. I haven't ever actually used it, but I still seem to be paying for utilities on a monthly basis.

Depressio: So what you're saying is, you have a fully functional apartment basically sitting there.

Jim Grim: Yeah, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to charge you rent.

Depressio: Uh...how much?

Jim Grim: By rent, I mean I'm coming too.

Depressio: What?

Jim Grim: Yeah. I only came here because my compass broke. And since you're going to West Dempsey anyways, I might as well come along. I do have an apartment there, apparently.

Depressio: Ugh. I don't know what's worse: sharing an apartment with you, or sharing an apartment with two of you.

Jim Grim: If that's the attitude you have, then I'm not coming at all!

Depressio: Awesome. Have this square that kinda looks like a wallet.

Jim Grim: (takes it) Whoa. With this money I'll be able to finance some endeavors!

Depressio: Yeah. Anyways...take it easy...and I'll see you later.

Jim Grim: Alright. Oh. And be on the lookout for this guy with rhino feet giving out free money.

Depressio: (blinks and then walks off)

----

Depressio walks up to Homestar, who is staring at the ground

Depressio: Oh, hey.

Homestar: What? Oh. I think I have your trading card.

Depressio: Well...anyways...I'm moving to West Dempsey, and I figured I'd yell all this stuff at you before I went.

Homestar: Hold on, I need to put in my contacts.

Depressio: ...Whatever. I don't think it's worth it anyways. But seriously. Homestar as a name...I really don't think it's gonna do a lot for you.

Homestar: For reals?

Depressio: Yeah. So...I'm going to give you a new name here before I go...

Depressio scribbles something on a piece of paper and sticks it to Homestar

Depressio: There...from now on, you're name is just Wrunner. I mean...come on. The pun is pretty bad, but I have little to work with.

Wrunner: I don't think it's-

Depressio: Yeah. Give it a couple years.

----

Depressio is now talking to Clonepressio

Depressio: Hey man. I don't know what to say. I mean, we've had good times, and adventures, and that one time where we had to fight off those antagonists.

Clonepressio: Several experiences emotions coordinates.

Depressio: Stop man...I don't wanna ruin the moment...

----

Cut to Depressio talking to fun_timey

fun_timey: Hey, I heard you're leaving.

Depressio: Yeah...uh...I told you that...

fun_timey: No, I'm pretty sure I read the novelization.

Depressio: (sighs) You know what? I don't think it's going to be the same without you constantly standing there and blinking.

fun_timey: Yeah, that's why I made you this travel clock.

fun_timey hands Depressio a very large round object shaped like fun_timey's head

fun_timey: It doesn't tell the time, and it breaks really easily, but I think you're probably going to get no use out of it.

Depressio: Uh...(sighs) Thanks.

fun_timey: No, YOU stop!

Depressio: Yeah...

fun_timey: So are you taking your computer with you?

Depressio: No way! Between all these generic moving boxes, I don't think I'm going to have room.

fun_timey: Really? Then can I have it? I mean, my old OS1 is good and all, but I need to network it to something if I want to play Solitare: 2P mode!

Depressio: No way. I could come back to use it some day, and I don't want your molecules all over it.

fun_timey: I can see that. Anyways...I'm heading over to my house to see if I can exchange pillows for cushions. Goodbye for now.

fun_timey walks off

Depressio: Yeah...seeya.

Depressio notices that his computer still displays "sad_mail.exe" on it. Depressio sits down and hits enter

Dear Depressio,

Do you remember the last time you finished something? What was it, and what was the hardest part of finishing it?

Sincerely,

-fun_timey



Depressio: When was the last time I finished something...

He pauses, and takes a deep breath

Depressio: Hey...you know what? I guess I did just now.

Depressio turns off his computer and then walks off

----

Huge Thanks to Jengajam:
<a href="http://img79.imageshack.us/img79/2759/finalemail1qm.swf" target="_blank">http://img79.imageshack.us/img79/2759/finalemail1qm.swf</a>

----

Thanks for reading.
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aquí o allí


Re: Depressio's Sadmail: NEW -> Grand Finale (The 200th and Final Email)
« Reply #850 on: January 30, 2006, 09:04:18 pm »

The ending was great. It reminded me of a movie star classily ending a movie. It was really good. Congratulations.
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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: NEW -> Grand Finale (The 200th and Final Email)
« Reply #851 on: January 30, 2006, 09:08:05 pm »

Whoa. You used my email, and gave me the "and". I feel so saluted.

The melancholy is bloating me with human spirit. And elephant man spirit, goblin spirit, blob spirit and ... I don't know what those other creatures are. I'm just glad I read their tributes.

Sadmail is my generation's Peanuts.
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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: NEW -> Grand Finale (The 200th and Final Email)
« Reply #852 on: January 30, 2006, 09:37:21 pm »

Wow... All I can say is...I can't wait for Sadmail #201.

But seriously...  There's no words that can describe this thread, nor every e-mail from Birthday Fishes to this one. To think that Sadmails are ending, it's almost as if I can't beleive it. I still remember the first Smail I read, the first appearance of That_Goblin...the memories are endless...

All I can say is...

Depressio walks off. That_Goblin sighs, looks down, and then walks away

Thanks for everything, 'Pressio.
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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: NEW -> Grand Finale (The 200th and Final Email)
« Reply #853 on: January 30, 2006, 10:26:35 pm »

Oh wow. This was just so great Depressio. You truly know how to go out with a bang.  You had a great mix of poignant moments as well as the humor that that has been a key part of sadmails over the years.

This is truly an end of an era.  The forum is losing one of it's trademarks it's had since the begining, but like MST3K all good things must come to an end.

And I honestly say the ending credits music and the scene after them made me shed a tear or two.

And finally thank you for including my character in the final sadmail that was truly an honor man. I'll try and keep hold of that torch you passed on.

goes off to a quiet place to think.
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Re: Depressio's Sadmail: NEW -> Grand Finale (The 200th and Final Email)
« Reply #854 on: January 30, 2006, 10:29:13 pm »

Well done, Depressio. 200 e-mails is definatly not an easy thing to accomplish, especially when they're all at a high level of quality. I don't even know what else to say. You definitely went out with style, though.


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