Email #20X: 55 Guests
Whoa, it's my old email thread! Maybe...I might be able to...if I can just...
What? Locked? Oh man! My 13 years-in-the-making and 5 minutes-in-the-planning idea is foiled by the same 2003 forum technology that once gave it life! Now we'll never know what our favourite Bush-era Sashmjan is up to!
Wait. Wait a second. There was a time when I pulled some sway around here. I wasn't just a moderator. I was a SUPER Moderator! And that means it's time to do something I didn't do a single time in this place: exercise some authority!
UNLOCK!The email thread creaks open like a...really old book or something?
It worked! Now all of my many followers can once again revel in my antics! Let's see which of my old pals are still lurking around here in the 2019s. Now, who do we have here...
Whoa! 55 Guests! That's...something. And they seem to be viewing...uh....an eclectic collection of threads
. Still, that's 55 people! Or more likely, 55 bots hungry for some speculation about the possible hardware specs for the Microsoft Xenon.
2004Pressio: I heard in EGM that thing might even be able to play Half-Life 2 Too bad I'm on still on my Dad's dial-up! Now I'll...Due to a reference to a game clearly rated M-for-Mature, this thread has been locked by an administrator. Please proceed to Thing in a Bag! Please proceed to Thing in a Bag!
Still, I gotta reach out to these new readers! Which means I gotta bring out my best material. Show these robos what made this the ORIGINAL Email Thread! What this thread needs is some serious bot appeal. Also known as shameless flattery and outright sycophantica!
After all, these are the unsung heroes of the Internet! Undermining democracies and flagging fan videos for copyright violations is thankless work. Which is why I'm taking the historic step to declare Depressio's Sadmail the Web's first oasis for for cyborgs, hotkeys, and clickwads.
Enjoy the following features!
-Unlimited access to all 200 Sadmails, with original broken links!
-Complimentary Captcha Skeleton Key! Just write "guest1" on any Captcha code anywhere on the Internet and you'll be good to go!
-50+ pages of data to salvage, emulate, and duplicate! Emulate my signature off-brand fanfiction style to create your own procedurally-generated Sadmails! Like this one!
Can't seem Member Survivor. Sash email hat! Gloves and Goblin. Gravy timey? The best defense.
Click here to story, Jeff.
All right! With features like this, there's no way those hacks can avoid THIS hack! I'll be the toast of the cyber cafe for sure!
Hey, this was kinda fun! Maybe I'll try it again sometime. 2023 is only a few years away!
To email Depressio, send him a PM here? Or hit him up on more modern social media platforms.