Chocomails: #11 - The Full Choco

[RClock]

Okay, let me just say it's a good thing I read this in my room. I once nearly got thrown out of the library for laughing like a twit, and this would have definitely earned me a lifetime ban. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. The diaper thing, and the apron, and Flash Powah going all Belaphonte, and... and... too much stuff. Too much for a mere man to take.

Bravo. *throws panties*

Oops.

*Throws bouquets of flowers*

[Float_On]

Just read all the Choco Mails, the pink furry.

Anyways good stuff, keep it up.

[VanillaPlastic]

Chocomails: #10 - Nillamail?!?

CM: OK, Susie the laptop, show us what wonderful e-treats are in store for our lucky viewers today!

CM's laptop: *kk-kk-dow-dow!*

You have received 1 E(vil)-Mail Message.

CM: No! NO! I said e-treats, not e-threats! Oh, crap, an attachment. Well, it's an mp3, those can't carry viruses, can they?

(The whole Chocomails crew listens to it, and you can listen too)

CM: ...

HSRT: O_o This is worse than a rerun of Three’s Company!

RClock: o_O This is worse than those scary anime Bible stories with two kids and a robot!

Neo: O_O *This is worse than those Capital One commercials with David Spade!*

like2jig: o_o This is worse than those little candies that grammas always have in a little glass dish!

Mr. Teatime: -.-; This is worse than those people who leave their cigarette butts in those charity boxes under drive-thru windows!

SBG: @_x I have to pee!

All right, VanillaPlastic will take over from here! MEH! Let’s see what they are really saying! All: We are all so afraid! VanillaPlastic is our dread high queen! VP: As you should be! That is correct! MEH! Now about this taking over of the e-mail thread thing! If you are not with VanillaPlastic, you are against her! MEH! HSRT: Well, I’m against! VP: FOOL! (VP turns HSRT into a pineapple) HSRT: RRGH! Mr. Teatime: You know, pineapples are considered symbols of hospitality. HSRT: Oh, right. Sure. C’mon in, put your feet up. CM: All right, Vee-Pee. Turn him back. VP: VanillaPlastic thinks not! (VP turns CM into a chocobo) ChocoboMetal: Dang. SBG: I will stop you with my mighty apron powers! WHOOSH! VP: Nice try! (VP turns SBG into a potato) SBG: Come on! I still have to pee and now I can’t! VP: MEH HEH HEH HEH! (like2jig tries to defend her friends by breathing fire on VP) VP: (burnt to a crisp) Oh, you are SO not getting away with that! MEH! (VP turns like2jig into a feather boa) like2jig: Anybody drape me over their neck and I’ll bite your jugular! (VP turns Neo into a stapler) Neo: *But I didn’t do anything to provoke you yet!* VP: VanillaPlastic just thought you would make a good stapler! RClock: Not really: He looks like the world’s weirdest alligator. VP: That reminds VanillaPlastic! She forgot to transform you! (VP turns RClock into a Gelert) RClock: …Arf? CM: Aww, how cute! VP: And now VanillaPlastic will eat dinner! Right in front of you! WITHOUT OFFERING ANY OF YOU A BITE! MEH! HSRT: (monotone) Oh. How very evil. (VP and her utensils make their way towards Mr. Teatime, who is laying there playing food. When he realizes the threat, he leaps up to defend himself.) Mr. Teatime: Haha! Joke’s on you, ya little moldy grape! I’m not anyone’s dinner! VP: Perhaps you would like to be? (VP turns Mr. Teatime into…well, this) SBG: Now he really won’t be anyone’s dinner. Neo: *It looks like he already was someone’s dinner.* VP: MEH HEH HEH HEH! Now it is time to… All others: FIGHT BACK!! (CM tramples VP, RClock bites her, like2jig strangles her, Neo staples her, SBG repeatedly throws herself at her, HSRT pokes her with his poky things, and Mr. Teatime severely grosses her out) VP: MEH HEH…*urk*…HEH HEH… (The gang ties VanillaPlastic to the computer chair and rolls her over to the laptop) CM: You wanted this email thread so bad, now answer an email!

Dear Feminine Personality,

It has come to my attention that I am morbidly obese. What do I do to become...not morbidly obese?

Please help,
Ruben Studdard.

VP: RUUUUUUUBEN! RUUUUUUUUUBEN! RUUUUUUUUUUBEN! RUUUUUUUUU…

There! I think I’ll regain control of my email thread now…

(We see VP, still beaten and bruised, running around in a plastic hamster ball)

VP: RUUUUUUBEN! RUUUUUBEN! RUUUUUUBEN…

CM: Okay, now to answer an email.

Dear Chocowhatever,

I heard from a very reliable sorce that RClock is cheating on you with Skinny_Blonde_Girl.

Fatter then you,

The Mack

Hmm. Well, did your “sorce” inform you that you’re getting deleted?

CM’s laptop: *ka-dunk-a-digga-pukka-chi-pow!*

CM: And remember, send me your PMs so we can keep this little pink nightmare running!

VP: RUUUUBEN! RUUUUUUUUBEN! RUUUUUUUUUBEN!

CM: Constantine.

VP: MEEEEEEHHHHH…

(VP implodes into a purple black hole)

THE END

[RClock]

Sheer inspired lunacy! Fabulous! Doubly so! Those pictures still slay me. American Idol's good for a few good screams. Killer dialogue too.

Bonza job, little Sheila!

[Mr. Teatime]

Ok, that email was doubly hilarious and all, but...don't ever make one of those vanillaplastic sound wavs again. Ever. Again. Ever. It creeped me out. The multiple-voices effect was cool, though.

Anyways...Neo looks good as a stapler. And I, uh, mean that in a manly way.

9/10.

[HomeStarRunnerTron]

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY-okay, I'm done. I'm so glad these mails are returning, as always, great secrets, that VP email was scary, in the way it was supposed to be, is that your voice? But anyways...

The chocomails are comin' back!
I think I'm havin a laughing attack-
The chocomails are comin' back!
Sanity is what it lacks!

10/10!

*pause, Patato'd SBG runs across the screen*

Patato'd SBG: Patatoooo power! WOOOOSH! *jumps, falls down on her head* Houston, we have a problem.

-HSRT

[ChocolateMetal]

Chocomails: #11 - The Full Choco

CM: Tra la lee, I haven't done this in at least a centureee...

like2jig: ARG!

(We see that like2jig has a neon sign flashing "DEMERIT" over her head)

CM: Been chasing No-Neck again?

like2jig: Yee-up.

CM: Man, that joke would've worked a lot better had I used it when we actually still had demerits around here.

Mr. Teatime: Or when No-Neck was still active.

HSRT: I've seen him lurking around here, I think.

(Cut to No-Neck peering through the window. When spotted, he screams and runs off)

like2jig: NO! Come back! (chases after him)

SBG: Let's answer an EEEEEEEEE-mail!!!

Neo: *What the - ? I thought you left!*

(SBG regards him with a blank stare. She looks left. She looks right. Finally, she breaks into a silly grin.)

SBG: Okay! WHOOOOOOOOSH!

(She "flies" towards the door - the CLOSED door - and, of course, runs smack into it, falling onto the floor.)

SBG: (grinning from ear to ear) Nevermind!

Neo: *YAY! She's staying!*

CM: We celebrate with email!

Dear 44,

How do you buy The Cheat Type clothes? Do you even have a wardrobe?

flying high,
-Prankster

Whaaaa...? 44? Sheez, I'm not THAT old! And I'm not sure I'm too comfortable with the idea of a high-flying prankster. Are you, like, a bird that poops on people's cars? Or, worse, on people's HEADS? Although, if you're in a convertible, it might be the same thing.

Anyway, I'll do the decent thing and pretend like this is a legitimate question in the first place. I've never seen the point of clothes in the first place. What do I look like, a human? Or a celebrity's dog? No, no clothes for me. I've never been able to make them work for me. Clothes have too many rules. I mean, I could wear a nice all-purpose outfit that covers all the bases and what do people do? Laugh at me!

(CM walks around in her outfit)

CM: Doo de doo-doo doo...

(DB and PT2FM are having a conversation, but stop to stare at CM as she walks by.)

DB: ...and you were saying kids should be allowed to dress themselves?

But anyway, I learned my lesson. No clothes for me. No sir. What...what's this? It's another email! And it looks even more pointless than the first!

Dear ChocolateMetal,

Hello, I have sent a E-mail to your little kid self. Here's the message I did:

"Hello, Kid ChocolateMetal,

I have made a new program, called "virus".
If you're reading this E-mail, you have "virus".
Congradulations!

Signed,
Darlon"

Heh heh heh...and it will spread to every computer you ever had thanks to my amazing mind, giving your every computer a delightful "BOOM!" as soon as you buy it, forcing you OUT of the E-mail world, and into the Snail-mail world! This will take effect in 1 day, and if you don't, you'll forget all about the current time line, and never be able to get back to it!

You'll be a hobo-like person, begging for money, not knowing that your life used to be this way. I WILL HAVE DESTROYED CHOCO-MAILS! And pretty soon, all of the E-mail threads!

Chwoka's Evil Twin,
Darlon

CM: O_o This does not look good for ChocolateMetal.

(Just then RClock walks in.)

RClock: How's it going, Choco!

(He notices CM's eyes are bugged out and bloodshot, her teeth are chattering, and sweat is dripping from her pores)

CM: What are we gonna DO, RClock? What are we gonna DOOOOOO?!

RClock: I don't know, but whatever it is, there's no need to go all Spumco on me.

CM: (snaps back to normal) Sorry. (Her head swells up to fill the room, and her mouth and an X-shaped vein on her forehead become very prominent) WHY ARE YOU SIMPLY STANDING THERE BEING OF NO USE? IT IS ACTION WE MUST TAKE AT THE PRESENT TIME!

RClock: You don't have to go all anime on me, either.

CM: (snaps back to normal again) Whew! I felt a little VP-ish.

HSRT: SHARK!

(A tidal wave comes in the room, separating CM and the others. Sure enough, there is a shark in the waters. The Jaws theme plays.)

All but CM: JUMP! JUMP!

CM: I can't! I can't!

RClock: You can do it, ChocolateMetal!

(The music escalates. CM wakes up screaming.)

CM: AAAAAAHHHH!

RClock: Sheez. Here you go. (tosses her a box of Corn Pops)

CM: I gotta have my Pops! (Bum-BUM!)

So, here's CM's lovely getup:

(Apparently, eggs aren't working or something.)

[RClock]

I'd laugh louder, but my Mom's sleeping a few feet away and I don't want to wake her up.

That was classic. Seriously, it was faboo-lous. Best parts:

- Literalizing the demerits and the lurking option
- SBG with ADHD
- The celebrity dog joke
- Changing animation styles
- Jumping the SHEEEEEAAAAARRRRRRRRRCK
- Page 28 of Cheatoria's Secret

Ah heck. I loved the whole thing, and I'll nose-pop anybody who says otherwise. Keep em coming!

[Faded]

Woo! Nice email. Loved the cornpops line.