Here's ma first E-Mail...
E-Mail #1 Being the OldestRunspazmail.exe
IJ: doooodle oodle Email
MM: that was really lame.
IJ: Yea, shut up
Dear Infestoid,
I will eat your toes.
-Crazed Hotdog
-IJ glares at the computer and pushes his chair away from the desk and looks down at the bottom of his blob form. Then he rolls his chair back to the computer.
-IJ pulls up another E-Mail.
Dear InfestedJerk... uh, InfestedJake,
The other day I was out and about, I saw you, I went to say hello to you, and you totally ignored me. Why was that?
Oh, on to the real question...
If you happened to be older than your brother, daB, what kinds of things would you do to him? Would you be nice, or would you make him your slave
~potthole
IJ:Hmm… Why I ignored you… Well there’s a long story to that
Hippopottymus.
IJ: It all started when I decided I wanted to become a champion table tennis player…
*cue the wavy lines*
IJ: I wanna be a champion table tennis player!!!!1
- Later that day Jake signs up for a competition and that night, he reveals the news to the group.
DB: Jake, you stink at table tennis.
IJ: Noo, I stink at ping-pong.
DB: Jake, table tennis and ping-pong are the same thing…
IJ: What!? Then what’s the thing where the guys push little balls through windmills and crap?!
Faded: Mini Golfing?
IJ: Yes, that’s what I wanted! What the crap am I gonna do now?
TTS: Practice like you’ve never practiced before…and then fail.
IJ: I’ll do it!
-The next day Jake goes out and buys a ping-pong table. But what he actually buys is a foosball table.
-Later that night MM is walking by while Jake is trying to figure out the foosball table.
MM: Uhhh…Jake, that’s a- (changes his mind) a nice looking ping-pong table.
IJ:Thawnk ya.
-15 minutes later Jake is still trying to figure out where you get the ball from.
IJ (talking to one of the foosball guys): Hey punk! I’m only gonna ask this twice! And next time it may or may not be any nicer! So spill it! Where do I get the ball from!? Come on! Huh? You don’t know? Huh? Huh? HUH?!
-Jake shoves the guy’s head and he flips around and kicks Jake in the face.
IJ: Oh, so you fight back, huh punk? Well I can take it. And I can dish out more than you can put in your fat gut!
IJ: suddenly
bursts into tears starts crying and starts to run outta the room but he
runs into HSRT.
IJ: He hurt my nosie… Wahhhhhhh!
HSRT: Yea, and that’s not your only problem. I doubt you bought a foosball table for your own enjoyment.
IJ: Foosball? What the crap are you talking about?
HSRT (pointing to the foosball table): That’s a foosball table.
IJ (starts crying harder): Awww Crap! What am I supposed to do now?
-Jake stumbles over to the foosball table and slams his head on it over and over.
IJ: WHY *smash* DO *smash* I *smash* SUCK? *smash* WHY *smash* MUST *smash* I *smash* FAIL *smash* AT *smash* EVERY *smash* ATTEMPT *smash* AT *smash* GLORY *smash* AAAHHHHAHHaahoooowwwwww…
-Jake looks up from his crying and sees a sticker on the side of the foosball table. It says “I am not returnable.”
-This time, Jake really
bursts into tears.
-The next day HSRT and Jake go buy a real ping-pong table, some paddles, and some balls.
-SM volunteers to help HSRT teach Jake how to play ping-pong.
-SM serves the ball.
Jake swings at it after it flies past him, then scratches his head.
SM: No Jake, you swung too late and aren’t you right handed?
IJ (realizing he was using his left hand): Oh yea…
-IJ scratches his head with his right hand.
SM: Your paddle has to go in your right hand too.
IJ: Oh oh ohhhhhhh…
-Jake puts the paddle in his right hand.
SM: ok I’m gonna serve and you need to hit it, K?
IJ: K.
-SM serves and Jake swings at it but he misses.
IJ: Aargh! I’m not a good ping-pong...guy!
-A week goes by and Jake hasn’t gotten any better.
-Faded is watching TV
TV: These got peanuts and soap in em!!
TV: Gir! No more wafflesss…
-Jake comes in
-Faded shuts the TV off.
IJ: Awwww… Its no use. I just can’t play ping-pong.
Faded: Your getting pretty good at foosball though.
IJ: Yea…but the ping-pong competition is in less than 2 weeks!
Faded: Then maybe you should start practicing.
IJ: Yea!
Faded: And I’ll sit here and watch TV.
IJ: Yea!
-Jake leaves the room.
-Faded turns the TV back on.
TV: OHNO!! THEMUTANTSQUIDHASESCAPED!!!
-SM comes running in.
-Faded shuts the TV off.
SM: OHNO!DBGOTMADATSTUANDBURNINATEDHIMANDNOWSTUSRUNNINGAROUNDLIGHTINGEVRYTHINGONFIRE!!!!
Faded: What am I, The helper of the slow?
-SM runs off.
-Faded turns the TV back on.
TV: OHNO! THEMUTANTSQUIDRAISEDANARMYOFUNDEADCYBORGSANDISGONNATAKEOVERTHEWORLD!!!
-It has been a week and a half now an Jake has turned into an 1337 ping-pong player. He’s beaten everyone in the house at least 23 times now. HE IS READY!!!
IJ: I AM READY!!!
DB: For what?
IJ: The competition. It’s tomorrow. Duh.
DB: Oh yea. Well, I can’t go. Stu’s gonna go there and I’m not aloud to go within burninating range of him now.
IJ: You could get a ticket for a different spot.
DB: No, because then I’d have to get an expensive ticket.
-The next day at the competition Jake pwns everyone with his 1337 skillz.
Then as the last contestant approaches the table, everyone cheers. Jake has to beat…kNuLLeD!!!
-Soon they are both tied and each only needs 1 point to win.
-kNuLLeD gets ready to serve
HSRT (from the audience): Woo! Go Jake!
IJ (turns his head): What?
*SMACK*
-The ball hit Jake right in the side of the head and somehow knocks him out.
-A half hour later Jake wakes up in a hospital and everyone is standing near him.
IJ: Did I win?
MM: No. You failed. Miserably.
IJ: Oh…
*Wavy lines*
IJ: And that’s the story of why I ignored you, pothole.
Faded: No it’s not.
IJ: Oh…Wait…There’s a much shorter explanation of why I ignored you…
IJ: The day when you saw me just happened to be the day when I had gone to go buy a putter cause I had just signed up for the competition. But I was $16 short and it was because MM had stolen a 20 out of my
awesome wallet. I was really mad and I didn’t want to talk to anyone.
SM: Wait, how do you know it was Mackiest? Maybe you just misplaced it.
IJ: Well I can’t get that snake out of his closet now can I?
Faded: Yes Jake, you can.
IJ: You shut up!
IJ: Oh wait, there’s a
real question here.
IJ: Hmm… Well, if I was older than DB, I would like, do my projects for school the day before they’re due on his computer turn and-
DB: Jake I needa do my report.
IJ: Go away, I’m doin somthin.
DB: Jake, I needa get on.
IJ: Go away.
DB: FINE!
IJ: And I would go somewhere with my parents that he didn’t wanna go just so he’d have to go because he’s to young to stay home without an older person and you know, stuff like that.
-All the sudden you hear someone screaming “HOLY CRAP THERESASNAKEINMYROOMANDITSBITINGMYNECKREPEATEDLYAHHHHHH!!! *thud*”
-Then there’s silence.
IJ: So, that’s it. My first email… THEEND!
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