IJ: Uhh… It’s been how many weeks now? Time to clear off my..work..space..
-Jake shoves an empty bottle of soda, a rotting banana, Gir, and a sock aside before typing in runspazmail.exe
Hey iJake,
Have you ever thought of an invention?
Not Jjcd7.
IJ: Yes. *thinking* videogamescomputerpizzatvpiebaconshoeapplesauce…*thinking*
IJ: It goes on and on and on like that. Anyways, that’s probably not what you meant, eh? Well… I have thought of a few…like the
Jump enhancer…I made it when Mackiest and Stu where trying to jump over the Grand Canyon . I made it out of already existing inventions cause, y’know, everyone else always takes an existing one and just tweaks it a bit…You were supposed to jump up and use the hoop as a pole to spin around on once before you jump, but it obviously had some problems…Mackiest is way, way too fat.
IJ: Uhmm…I’ve also made the NanoNuker…I would’ve been rich if it weren’t for those pesky Anti-Nuclear energy jerks… *walks over to TV and puts a tape in* Here’s the commercial for it.
*TV shows Jake and a huge contraption on a badly filmed video*
IJ: Tired of waiting
2 whole minutes for your TV dinner to heat up? Well, that’s gone for good when you buy the NanoNuker! This machine harnesses the awesome power of nuclear energy for your heating needs! It creates a small controlled nuclear explosion, which instantly heats your food inside the enormous 6 by 6 inch compartment! Whoa!! But that’s not all! For your purchase of the NanoNuker, you will get a free Toaster Silencer! Are you ever making toast when it suddenly pops up and scares the bajibblies outta you? That’s no more when you have the ToastoSilent. You can have both of these items for just $49.65! How do we do it?
Don’t ask us!*Jake smiles while the TV quickly and quietly reads:
Uranium-235 and Control rods sold separately. Have a professional nuclear technician assemble and install. May result in five-mile wide explosion if mishandled. ToastoSilent may result in less than perfect toast. $229,000.95 shipping and handling. Not refundable.
*TV shuts off*
IJ: Yeah…Umm...I’ve also made the Protecto-Belt 9000. Here’s the commercial for that too. *puts in tape*
TV: Tired of being learned lessons? Tired of getting shoved in a garbage can and pushed down a hill? Just plain tired? Then this is the device for you! It’s a totally stylish belt with so many uses it well make you beg your parents for the *quietly* $402.69 *quietly* to buy it! It’s the Protecto-Belt 9000!! It has nine known uses! Try to find more!
Use 1 – Anti-Sleepy – Sends out a pillow, blanket, and air mattress for your sleeping comfort anywhere, anytime, any place. Air not included.
Use 2 – Anti-Boredom – Sends out a Sega Saturn – the best Console ever created!
Use 3 – Anti-Nerd – Did you score an A on that test, and the nerds are begging for your friendship? Well, that isn’t gonna happen no more when the belt sends out a wave of failed tests and homework assignments with your name on it!
Use 4 – Anti-Bully – Sends out a flamethrower for your protection. Note: Don’t use in school or important public places or events.
Use purple – Anti-Teacher - Sends out a wave of apples.
Use 6 – Anti-Dog – You got some dogs chasin after you? Just press the button to send out a wave of meat.
Use #G – Anti-Horrible music – Sends out an MP3 player with your favorite tunes on it. How does it know them? We sure don’t know!
Use 8 – Anti-Homework – Sends out robots to do your homework. Great for taking out the trash too!
Use 9 – Anti-Nuke – Sends out a shield of roaches that protect you from nukes. Great for grossing out your friends!
*TV shuts off*
IJ: Well, Tha-
Computer: You’ve got mail.
IJ: Well, I might as well check this one too.
Runspazmail.exe
Dear Infest,
What will happen if I poke you with a stick?
-Gir
IJ: *gasp* Them’s fightin words! I am off! *flies away*
Author
Logged
