BonkMails NEW SHORT

[Bonkava!]

Hi, because I am too lazy to animate, I will post my Strong Bad Email rip offs here!

Characters:
Bonkava: A kind of nasty guy, but he always wants to answer email.
Icee Fudge Sickle: Bonkava's best friend. Although he sometimes takes advantage of Bonkava. Currently he is going insane with sanity.
Ranald Cossack: Bonkava's other friend. Although younger, this guy mainly uses chats on the computer, and adores Rhinos.
Frostey: Bonkava's right hand man. He can be kind of mean sometimes, but it's never spontaneous. He just likes getting revenge on Bonkava  Note: Not meant to offend him (Frostey's changed his username, but I will still call him Frostey)

Email #1: No New Messages.

Bonkava: Another day, another rip off of some underground cartoon. (as he says this he types "bonk_mail.exe")
(the screen says "no new messages")
Bonkava: Is this some sort of virus? Oh, oh wait, I just don't have any messages. Well, this is my first email show. Not many people know what to do.
(*bing* is heard and the screen changes to say "1 new messages".)
Bonkava: Ooh! A message!
Email:

Dear Bonkava,
Would you mind animating Wumpo ate a Bumpo?
Icee Fudge Sickle.

Bonkava: [typing] Well, Icee, I kind of am already animating three--

(1 new messages)
Bonkava: Oh! Another one!

Email:

Dear Bonkava,
Would you mind animating Aupjockiners and Chkanklilly?
Icee Fudge Sickle.

Bonkava: [typing] I can't animate everything at once you kn--
(1 new messages)
Bonkava: Ok...
Email:

Dear Bonkava,
Would you mind animating The VRT: First Anniversary edition?
Icee Fudge Sickle.

Bonkava: [typing] Look, Icee, I can't do that yet! [send]
(Bonkava stares at the screen)
Bonkava: Yes! IFS finally is done!
(1 new messages)
Bonkava: That's probably him apologizing!
Email:
subject: suggestive enemy

blew

Bonkava: Ummm... DELETED! This is more of a ripoff than I bargained for...
IFS: Hey, Bonkava, could you--
Bonkava: I am NOT gonna animate another one of your stupid and pointless stories!
IFS: Oh, well... I was gonna ask if I could borrow your microphone.
Bonkava: It's broken. What do you need it for?
IFS: Oh, nothing, nothing...
Bonkava: Look, I'm getting nothing but emails from you, and this random spam, could you please stop?
IFS: OK, I guess.
Bonkava: Good. Well, I hope someone PM's me so I can continue running towards a lawsuit.

Easter Eggs:
Wait until after the end to see Bonkava get up and visit the field.

Bonkava: OK, enough with the ripoffs.
(beedledeedledeedledee)
Bonkava: Hold on, I'm being text messaged.
Ranald Cossack (in message): Liek wud u cum to a rino prty> itll b fune!
Bonkava (in message): No, thank you.
(Bonkava goes back to his chair)

Fun Facts:

This email is not really real, and the only part I didn't make up was the spam message.

[Ze French Toast]

nice email there my friend 8/10

[Bonkava!]

Thanks for the comment. I'll update like... every time I get a PM that isn't a reply to anything I've sent.

[potthole]

Uh, I hate to do this, but you can't just open up an e-mail thread like this.  You need to read the section rules, and follow the directions in there.  If you do the things stated in there, I'll unlock this thread... until then, this is...

Lizzok'd!

~potthole

Bonka has gotten in touch with me, so I've gone ahead and unlocked this thread.  Happy e-mailings!

[S&D Frosté]

Nice E-mail. I liked the fake easter egg. I hope you answer my PM!

[Bonkava!]

No. 2: Word

Bonkava: Well, at least this ripoff isn't going anywhere. (as he says this he types "bonk_mail.exe")
Email:
Dear Bonkavizzle,
Do you rap? What kind?
-Eben "Frostey" of Massachusizzle... I mean M.A.

Bonkava: Err... um... well, not really. I guess I could give it a shot. Or not. Like there was this one time I tried to rap, but nothing came out. Our idea was basically gas prices... we couldn't get one verse down.
(screen cuts to The Massachusizzle House of Rap)
Bonkava: Yo, those gas prices!
Icee Fudge Sickle: Prices!
Bonkava: Ummm... I'm gonna need some ices!
Icee Fudge Sickle: Ices! Wait... ices?
(screen cuts back to Bonkava at the computer)
Bonkava: So, I can't rap. At all. Except that rap is spoken words. With a lot of swears and yo's in it. So I could just sing a rap off the top of my head
Yo, yo, yo! Not a ball
On a string,
Or the bling,
With the t to the izzle and the m to the y.
Yo, yo, yo!
That just didn't come out right.
IFS: Cool! But I thought you hated rap.
Bonkava: I do, but it's just this guy Eben with the last name Frostey... I mean "Frostey to the Eben" emailed me and asked me if I rapped and what kind. The answer is, I don't.
(screen cuts to the street showing Frostey walking towards Bonkava's house)
Frostey: Yo, I'm just walking the streets and then- Whoa! It's like... That guy... I sent the email to.
(Frostey walks inside and so does the screen)
Bonkava:--So in Conclusion, if you're lost in confusion, the answer's a resounding NO!
Frostey: That's not what I hear.
Bonkava: Wait, Frostey, what?
Frostey: You just rapped.
Bonkava: No I didn't.
Frostey: Yes you did.
Bonkava: OK, so I did. Well people, if TBC want to sue me they can, if you want to PM me, you can.

Fake Easter Eggs:
Click on "TBC" to see Homestar come and say "I'm just stopping by. Oh, and also I want to help you get a lawsuit. Those things are beautiful."

[S&D Frosté]

Click on "TBC" to see Homestar come and say "I'm just stopping by. Oh, and also I want to help you get a lawsuit. Those things are beautiful."

Hehe. Beutiful lawsuit.

Yo, yo, yo! Not a ball
On a string,
Or the bling,
With the t to the izzle and the m to the y.
Yo, yo, yo!
That just didn't come out right.

That's the rap I was thinking!

Good stuff. 10/10

[Bonkava!]

Whoops... I forgot to add Fun Facts:
I know Frostey is not Eben's last name.
The Gas Prices rap is real- so is the statement about not getting down a verse. The words to the rap were made up, and I didn't do the rap with IFS, I did it with some guy I don't think has a nickname. IFS's rap was much better.

[S&D Frosté]

Whoops... I forgot to add Fun Facts:
I know Frostey is not Eben's last name.

Phew. I forgot to tell you that.

[Bonkava!]

I drew Bonkava and Icee Fudge Sickle. I put them in the CGN thread, because it was random, and this thread is for the emails. But because CGN threads are only temporary, I will post the link here:
http://home.comcast.net/~chaos210/Bonkava.png

[Bonkava!]

#3: Clones

Bonkava: Well, I guess it can't hurt... (as he says this he types "bonk_mail.exe")
Email:
Bonkavlavd-
whta is youw favrouite fod
jonnnnhney nikkels, super_mare, NA

Bonkava: Well, first off... It's BonkavA! And second, where have I seen that Email address before? In fact, I saw that just today. Frostey, you can't fool me.
Frostey: What? What are you talking about? I never left... I'm still here.
Bonkava: Well, that's... odd...
Frostey: Wait, maybe it's a hacker. My name sure isn't Jonnnnhney Nikkels. Plus, I go by "Frostey" not "super_mare".
Bonkava: Holy crap! A hacker! Red alert! Red alert!
(phone rings)
Bonkava: Hold on.
(picks up phone)
Bonkava: Hello?... Yes... Emails? Yes I just got one... Frostey?... Yeah he's here.
(Bonkava hands the phone to Frostey)
Frostey: Hello?... The Government?... Experiment... Clones? Isn't that just for sheep... No I did not know you found my hair on the street... A clone?... What the?... What'd you name it?... Johnny Nickels?... Wait a minute... The brain didn't get transferred?... Oh... Bye.
(hangs up phone)
Frostey: Apparently, Johnny is a clone the Government made. I need to have a word with him.
(screen cuts to Frostey's house, Frostey is there. Frostey and Bonkava walk in.
Frostey: Whoa! You look like me!
Johnny: wo! u lok lik me!
Frostey: I just said that.
Johnny: i jest sed dat.
Frostey: Hmmm... hay bonkavlavd whta is youw favrouite fod?
Johnny: Him,,, Hey, Bonkava, what is your favorite food?
Bonkava: Phad Thai (also spelled Pud Thai)
Frostey: OK, next stop, Government.
Johnny: ok, nxt stp, govermant.
(screen cuts to the Government building)
Bonkava: This is the place.
(they walk inside)
Bonkava: What the-- How'd you get to be part of the Government?
Ran: sry, wut did u sy?
Bonkava: Did YOU happen to help out with the cloning?
Ran: yes there wuz no bran so i putz min in!
Bonkava: Well that explains it...
(screen goes back to Bonkava at the chair)
Bonkava: so there u hav it, jonnnnhney nikkels. Tis is Bonkavlavd sining of. Email me, and I promise you, I will have better grammar if you do.

Fun Facts:
Was this one really sent by Frostey? The thing said so, but maybe it was a hacker.
I've had the clones idea since before I started writing these. Thanks, Frostey/hacker.

[S&D Frosté]

Hehe... I thought you would act like it was not me PM-ing you.

Ran: yes there wuz no bran so i putz min in!

Hehe. Of course a double-non-real person has no brain.
So, 10.5/10

[Bonkava!]

#4: Lawsuit
Bonkava: I finally got an email message today. (the usual bonk_mail.exe thing)
Email:
you has uno nwe mezzajes

Bonkava: Is that supposed to mean anything? "I has one nwe mazzajes?" (Bonkava pronounces mazzajes as "Matz-a-jeez") What does nwe mean? Does it have to do with my computer. Oh, oh, oh. Wait. I know what happened. I must have downloaded a virus that made my email program change. Ok, then. (Bonkava brings up EdgarWare) OK, I'm performing a virus scan... WHOA! That is not a small number! That is a big number! That's not a good prize. (types "open_mail.plz")
Email:
Dear Bonkava,
This is TBC. We are suing you for copying us. Give us $6,000,000 or go to jail.
Mike and Matt Chapman

Bonkava: Crap. I bet now I have to go to court. Crap.
(screen changes to court)
Judge: May our plantiff's attorney, please stand up.
TBC's Lawyer: This man here has started an email show, and hosted it on the internet! Much like TBC.
Judge: May we have our first witness?
(Frostey stands up)
Bonkava: FROSTEY!
Frostey: Sorry, but I am a witness.
Judge: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Frostey: Yes.
Judge: OK, so what happened?
Frostey: It all started two days ago... Bonkava started an email show without permission-
TBC's Lawyer: So he didn't have permission to copy them!
Frostey: Err, he didn't have permission from a moderator. It was on a forum. But he soon got permission.
TBC's Lawyer: And is he aware that Strong Bad Email's are copyrighted?
Frostey: I think, but this is a H*R fan forum! You're supposed to do things like this.
TBC's Lawyer: I see. You aren't lying?
Frostey: Look, I told you I swore to tell the truth!
Judge: Very well. Will the defendant's attorney please rise.
Bonkava: Well, actually... I'm a kid. I don't have a lawyer, and I didn't copyright my email thread.
Judge: I see, will our second witness please stand.
(BHZ stands up)
BHZ: Frostey is telling the truth. You are allowed to post H*R fan things on my forum.
Judge: OK, TBC lose this lawsuit. Any objections?
(Craig Zobel stands up, and apparently he's part of the jury.)
Craig: Objection!
Judge: Overruled. I find in favor of the defendant, the plantiff must fork over $6,000,000 dollars.
TBC: But we were saving that!
Judge: And now you're not.
TBC: Awww....
Bonkava: Yay! I'm rich!
(screen cuts back to Bonkava at the computer)
Bonkava: So in conclusion, I traveled to Florida and went to Disney World, and stayed in the most expensive hotel in the world, and left for fun in my own personal jet.
(crashes are heard)
Bonkava: Wait, what was that?
(Bonkava looks out the window)
Bonkava: What just--
Icee Fudge Sickle: Sorry, I was trying to see how high the jet could go, and the engine malfunctioned!
Bonkava: ICEE FUDGE SICKLE!
(screen changes to show IFS and Bonkava in court. Then it's the end)

Easter Eggs:
click on "nwe" in the email message after Bonkava says it to see a sign for Johnny's Super Store that says "Nwe low prices".
Click on the "plantiff" sign at the end to see Bonkava say "Two times to go to court in one day?"

Fun Facts: The real PM this was based off was the "virus" message.

[S&D Frosté]

Hehe. I think this e-mail is better than the others.
10/10

[Bonkava!]

You rated it .5 worse than clones... what's wrong with you?
MBD123 sent in that email, I was like "what the crap how am i gonna answer this???"
So then I made lawsuit.