warning: doodle-type eggs
Also, I added the quick bios
into the cast pic. Mouse over someone to read about them.
Also also, many of the eggs for past e-mails don't work anymore. I'll try to fix those sometime in the near future.
BurnMail #22 – Broken-dB walks into the room. He glances at the computer. The screen is blank, but suddenly, text appears.
Compy: Hello?
-dB walks over and types: …hello?
Compy: Who is this?
dB: Uh…daBurninator.
Copmy: Dad?
DB: I’m not your dad, get off of my desktop, jerk.
Compy: lawl.
DB: Pfft…stupid hackers. With their corners…and parts of a cube where the faces meet…and stuff…Well, I guess I might as well check my e-mail, since you know…I haven’t in like…August.
Compy: You have 1 new messages and 352 new spams.
---
Dear DaBurninator:
I figure, since you are, like, the master of all things, that you could help me with a dilemma. A treasured CD of mine is broken, and I do not want to buy a new copy of the CD, so... How do I fix a broken CD?
Sincerely,
Troubled Reader
---dB: Haven’t you been reading the CGN thread, T.R.? Oh, never mind, I already forgot you have
trouble reading…Anyways, Apparently, Chuck Norris can fix your CD for you. But of course, you probably wanted an answer that doesn’t suck, so I’ll give you a couple other options.
-dB calls TapeLeg and tells him to come over. TL, of course, is already there, but is trying to get Mackiest to play video games with him.
-Tape walks into dB’s room.
Tape: Okay, here’s my favorite CD and some tape, duh Bee.
DB: Stop calling me that.
-dB takes the CD and snaps it in half, and then snaps the two new pieces in half again.
Tape Leg: OMG NOT N SYNC!
-Tape starts hyperventilating on the floor.
DB: So, ReadingTroubler, TapeLeg’s broken CD will represent your broken CD. Is everyone with me so far? Do I have to slow down so you can take notes? If so, too bad. First, you put the pieces back together, like a puzzle. And if you can’t tell where some of the pieces go, just guess, it doesn’t really matter, as long as you have a circle in the end.
DB: Tape Leg, tape…
-Tape takes off his shoe and tosses it up to DB. DB is
amazed when he discovers that TapeLeg’s boot is actually a tape dispenser. He rips off a couple of pieces and throws the boot back at TapeLeg.
DB: okay, now you tape the CD back together. It doesn’t matter if you tape the face or the bottom of the CD, the player can read it either way.
DB: option number 3 would be to find a piece of metal, and then (with proper adult supervision and safety equipment) cut it into a small circle. Make sure to poke a hole through the middle. Then, take a really sharp pencil or pen and write all of the lyrics in a circular pattern around the “cd.” Make sure you write small enough to fit lyrics to all the tracks on there, or else it won’t have enough memory. I haven’t tried this, myself, but I’m pretty sure it works.
DB: And then, option 4 would be…
-as he is talking, DB stands up and walks towards the door, but trips on a TapeLeg who is either dead or passed out on the floor. A bubbly goo is foaming out of his mouth and his eyes are dilated. Every minute or so, he twitches violently for a few seconds.
DB: Ugh…gross. I just touched that…with my foot.
-dB gets up and hops on one leg to the bathroom, where he pours soap onto his leg and runs water over it until it’s no longer diseased.
DB: So, sorry, Reading-Impaired guy, but I have to deal with a dead body now, so you’re going to have to order some Hooked on Phonics and then read my first couple suggestions.
-dB calls Teatime.
DB: Hey, can I borrow one of you large, pointy knives?
Tea: I guess. What do you need it for?
DB: TapeLeg.
Tea: Oh, excellent. I’ll send it right over.
-A few minutes later, the knife is dropped off at dB’s house by the mailman.
-dB walks back into the computer room. A horrible stench has formed. DB cuts his carpet in a big square around TapeLeg. Jake brings some trash bags in.
Jake: They’re
extry stretchified!-Jake manages to get TapeLeg into the bag.
DB: Wait, make sure that piece of carpet goes, too. He was droolin’ all over it and stuff…
-Jake stuffs the carpet square into the bag, but isn’t strong enough to haul the thing to the carbage can.
-dB calls Mackiest in, and offers him some food, in exchange for hauling the bag to the trash can.
-Mackiest agrees, not knowing what’s inside, and walks to the cans. Unfortunately, the bag rips open right when he gets to the cans. TapeLeg falls out, his head hitting ground.
Mackiest: “Extra Stretchified” my butt …Oh, wow…it’s Tape Leg.
-Mackiest looks around.
Mack: Meh.
-He walks back inside and eats his food, leaving Tape Leg on the ground outside.
-dB calls a carpet repairman to place a new piece of carpet in his room. The horrible smell doesn’t go away until many days have passed.
-Meanwhile, at TroubledReader’s house, a package has arrived.
TR: Oh, boy!
-He opens the package and puts a cassette tape into his player.
Cassette: Thank you for ordering. The first lesson will begin now. There are many cacti here. Their football team is the Cardinals. They have the worst schools in the country. Yesterday, February 4, it was about 80 degrees outside. They…
TR: Oh, crap! This isn’t “Hooked on Phonics”, it’s “Hooked on Phoenix”. Oh, well…that’s what I get for not being able to read. *chuckles happily*
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