Pom Mails: The Next Generation

Mackiest: For some reason, I feel like...answering an email?

So, Pom Pom:

I've noticed that recently, not a whole lot of people have noticed your e-mail thread. I think you should do some big thing to catch the attention of everyone else in Smells like... E-mail!.

Your fan,
Former President James Garfield

Mackiest: Former President? Is that supposed to impress me or something, because to be honest with you, it’s not workin’.. Now...maybe if you defeated like...a whole army of robot zombie pirate ninja babies, I’d throw you a few brownie points. I mean, anyone can be president these days...but I’m starting to ramble so lets just cut the chase.

Do something to catch everyone’s attention, eh? Well, I don’t really understand how someone couldn’t notice a giant orange balloon wearing sunglasses that has flippers for limbs and can some how talk while lacking a mouth answering emails...but I guess a little more attention couldn’t hurt.

Now I just have to think of something to do that would catch everyone’s attention...I’ve got it! I’ll run for president of whatever town I live in and get everyone’s attention while proving to ‘ol former president fancy pants that being elected president is a walk in the park!...and yes, all towns now have presidents...it happened last night...it was on the news...shut up.

Mackiest gets up from the computer and walks into the kitchen. He stops in front of the microwave and pulls a cup of “Instant Noodles” out of his fat and puts them in the microwave. After hitting a few buttons the microwave turns on and begins to cook the “Instant Noodles”.

Mackiest: What the...you guys are still watching me? I have freakin’ needs too man. I’m not just here to entertain you like some kind of entertaining entertainer. Just give me a few minutes so I can have some lunch...freakin’ kids these days, always wanting to be entertained. Oh, I’ll entertain ‘em all right, with the backside of my-I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU PEOPLE TO GO AWAY.

Five minutes later

Mackiest is sitting at the kitchen table eating his cup of “Instant Noodles”, including the cup itself.

Mackiest: I’m still on my lunch break, go away.

Ten minutes later

Mackiest is sitting in a beach chair under a giant umbrella while drinking an ice-cold smoothie, looking rather comfortable and cool. Meanwhile, a few feet from Mackiest is Homestarguy, wearing an orange painted trash bag that looks some what like Mackiest if he was melting into a fine sludge. In one of Homestarguy’s nonexistent hands is a stack of fliers, in the other a bucket full of pins saying “Vote Mackiest, you twit.” As for Homestarguy himself, he looks rather pale and extremely tired, quite the opposite of Mackiest.

Homestarguy: How much longer do I have to do this? I haven’t seen a single person all day and this heat is unbearable!

Mackiest: Stop complaining, when you signed up-

Homestarguy: I didn’t sign up to do this, you forced me too!

Mackiest: Like I was saying, when you signed up for this position you knew what you were getting into, so shut your face.

Homestarguy: That isn’t even physically possible!

Mackiest: Just shut up and get back to work, I have a real good feeling if you stand in that exact spot for the next few days, I’ll win this election no problem.

Homestarguy: Election? You’re not even running against anybody...you’re not even running for a real position in our government, towns don’t have kings!

Mackiest: Blasphemy! I’ll show you what’s what....with violence!

Mackiest starts to get up but before he can Tape-leg jumps up from behind his beach chair, covered in head to toe with what appears to be “Best friends for life” pins with a little picture of Tape-leg and Mackiest hugging.

Tape-leg: Don’t worry Mackiest, I’ll be the first person to vote for you on election day!

Mackiest: Tape-leg...how long have you been hiding behind my chair?

Tape-leg: I don’t know...at least a few hours.

Mackiest: Ok...Tape-leg...why were you hiding behind my chair?

Tape-leg: Just gathering the dead skin that occasionally flakes off you...I’m starting a collection!

Mackiest: Wow...yeah...that’s cool and in no way disturbing at all. So I see you made a few little pins...doesn’t it hurt wearing those without a shirt on...looks like you kinda just pierced every part of your body.

Tape-leg: Of course it doesn’t hurt, nothing hurts when your doing it for your bestest buddy!

Mackiest: Yeah...hey Tape-leg, if you really wanna be my bestest buddy, do me a favor and take a few of these fliers and jump off that conveniently placed cliff right over there, there might be some people down there who haven’t heard I’m running for whatever.

Homestarguy: Where did that cliff come from, I could have sworn it wasn’t there a few minutes ago.

Mackiest: Shut up, it has always been there. You’re just dumb and ugly, which is why from now on I shall call you Dugly.

Tape-leg: Alright, here goes nothing...

Homestarguy: Do a barrel roll!

Tape-leg begins to run towards the cliff, but stops right before jumping.

Tape-leg: Oh wait, I forget to give you one of my homemade pins!

Mackiest: NO, TAPE-LEG DON-

But it was to late, Tape-leg had already run back over to Mackiest and tried pinning a pin to him, causing him to instantly exploded. Tape-leg looks from side to side, and then slowly walks away.

Homestarguy: Hey Mackiest, I’m taking a break...thanks.

To email Mackiest, send him a pm. I mean, come on. Email addresses are so 1999.