darkshadows E-mails: Season 4

[Strong_Lufis]

A-HEM. I said the PM was in order.

I have only two requirements.

Send in a Darkshadows E-mail.

be able to identify this song. PM this info to me.

It's a good thing you were wrong about the battle theme.

[Strong_Lufis]

E-mail #6: Video Games

Oh Ja, Ich muss überpruft das e-mail. Ja, ja.

run Microsoft_Outlook_Express.exe

Dear darkshadows86,

Do you play video games A LOT? I like video games...tremble. : D

Well, Goodbye,
YOUR HUMBLE SERVANT, Gir
CA

c:\>Ah, trembling in fear, are we, Gir-er man? Well, I can't blame you. I AM the cat's pajamas!

C:\> So, yes, I am an avid video game player. Among my classic favorites include the Lufia series, where you are trying to save the world from four evil god-like creatures called Sinistrals. Or, there was this game called Suikoden, in which you had to raise a mighty rebel army to crush an evil emprie. And, theres this series made by HAL Labratories about this little pink thing that eats his enemies and uses their powers... Kirby, I believe.

C:\> Also, I am a rabid fan of Final Fantasy, And have enjoyed every FF i have played to date... those being I, VI, VII, and VIII.

C:\ On the PC side of the coin, I have a like for Runescape, Medievia, and Starcraft. As well as countless others.

C:\> Well, I'll cut you all a deal on that 'join the e-mail thread' thing. I'ma change the song. Remember to PM these details to me.

C:\> So... um... this wasn't funny.

PHM: Hey, darkie!

(The camera shifts right, so we can see PHM and Darkshadows.)

DS: I told you never to call me that.

PHM: Well, it's important! I just got a copy of Final Fantasy XI!

DS: But.. I can't afford monthly fees...

PHM: ...but I can -

DS: Gimmiegimmiegimmie!

PHM: NO! MINE!

DS: Don't make pull off the Renzokuken or the Omnislash on you...

PHM: You don't have a gunblade or a buster sword.

DS: Crap! You and your logic! Always foiling my plans! IT ENDS TODAY!

(The scene fades out, and a song starts plying in the background We cut to a battle scene. Darkshadows is on one side, and PHM is on the other.)

PHM: What the crap?

DS: Battle transition!

PHM: Why?

DS: Because you deserve this.

(Darkshadows make an amazing gesture, the words OMEG ULTIMA flash in and out, and a large green explosion covers PHM. When the explosion is finished, PHM is still standing, and a number appears over his head. The number is '2.')

DS: Oh my.

(PHM does a little dance, the words Ahahaha ANNOYANCE FACTORZ!!1 appear, and he walks up to Darkshadows.)

PHM: I say there, Darkshadows, butt's twelve by pies?

DS:  AUGH!

(the number '9999' appears over Darkshadows' head, and he falls to the ground.)

(The words 'You have been PvP'd by Pointy Haired Man!' Appear on the screen. We pull back and see that Darkshadows is playing some sort of Final Fantasy game, but not XI.)

DS: Agh! Stupid PHM and his creations!

[Brutalmouse]

You are very funny!  

Keep em' going! Very interesting!

[schavira]

Very funny! I'm in it! Keep it up!

[Strong_Lufis]

Alrighty! it's been a while since i've done one of these...


E-mail #7: Pointless name


Answering e-mail is fun! Here's some proof!

run Microsoft_Outlook_Express.exe


ARE YOU FAT? (spoken: Nope.) ARE YOU OLD! (Eh, be quiet.) THE SOLUTIO (Ooo, solutio!) IS EASY! BLAME THE GOVERNMENT!

Hi, I'm Hammer_Of_God of the lawyer service in <mumble> (Ah, there's a lot of these crazy guys running around.) It's easy to poit (Well, gee, Brain...) the finger at the government, because they are a high standing figure! If you complain about the government, they have to fix it if they want to get re-elected! (True...) So tell me your problem, and we can point the finger at the government and they'll do the work!

Not trying to steal your money,
~Hammer_Of_God




C:\> Eh. Thanks for being nice and offering this opportunity to me, but methinks I'll just let it slide under the doormat. Two reasons. Number A, this is the third email since I started doing this e-mail show from a dude named “Hammer_of_God.”  Letter 2? I'm out of the government's little Sphere-o-Ctrl.

C:\> Besides, what's the fun in just POINTING the finger at the government when you can easily usurp and BE the new government?

C:\> Anyways, this isn't really the funniest e-mail in the world, but I'm running low on Creative Juice. So...

c:\> Sincerely, darkshadows86, Lord of the Underworld.




I mostly just made this to let you all be aware of soomething new. Y'see, I have my microphone back, and can now make WAV files of all the new DS E-mails! Unfortunatly, these thing eat bandwidth like the KoT eats butter... so, if you'd like to hear the audio adventures of Darkshadows86, give me a PM or (better yet) contact me on AIM. Thank you.

[Faded]

Nice pictures. They were good.

[Strong_Lufis]

I need some e-mails from you all. I can't do an e-mail show very well without YOUR e-mails, now can I?

Also...

Final Marshalade has been made into a game. It is the best game ever. There is one slot left. Join today.

Insanivivor might just be updated if I have nothing better to do tomorrow. just a heads up on my day to day writing life.

Now, get PMing me interesting E-mails. Let's try and aim for a million pounds of e-mails. A million pounds! Seriously, PM me.

[Big_Ol_Eyebrowz]

I don't really understand the part about the sphere-o-ctrl.

[Strong_Lufis]

E-mail #8: Random Action Movie

E E E E E E E E E E E E-mail!

run Microsoft_Outlook_Espresso.exe

BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME.

DS: Oh, snap!

run Microsoft_Outlook_Esperanto.exe

BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME.

DS: What the?

run microsoft_Outlook_Depressio.exe

SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU EVEN TRYING?

DS: What? Don't sass back with me!

run Microsoft_Outlook_Express.exe

DS: There, that worked.







Mwahahahaha, greetings stupid. This is Mr. Teatime, stupid. And boy do I have news for you, stupid. This email is rigged...with a bomb! And it'll go off...if you try to edit it! Pausing for dramatic effect...is cool! Mwahahahahahaha! Wait...er...it seems to be going off anyway...the bomb that is. So...have fun with a bomb in your inbox,
 
Crapfully Crappy with lots of crappy crap,
 
Your humble servant, That_Teatime.






C:\> Holy crap! There's a bomb in my inbox! This must mean...

(cut to a sign made out of cardboard paper that reads “TEH WOELDE IZ GOEING TOE EDN!!!”)

DS: (background) ...the world is going to end!

(Dangeresque theme music, hummed by Darkshadows. Cut to DS throwing water balloons at cardboard cutouts of Mark Hamill, the Queen of England, PHM, and Wil Wheaton.)

DS: Take THAT! And THAT! And some of THIS! Any last words, Wheaton? Sorry, time's up!

(cut to PHM holding Fred and holding a water pistol, pointing it at Darkshadows.)

PHM: Who are you?

DS: Shadows.

(the camera goes for a close-up of DS' “face”)

DS: Darkshadows.

(The Bond theme music starts to play, and we cut to see Darkshadows on a zipline, moving to a cardboard cutout of a skyscraper. We then realize that it's not DS, but Beaky, in DS' robes.)

Beaky: WAAAAAAARK!!!

(Beaky slams into the cutout. Darkshadows walks it view, wearing a t-shirt that says “I am your Lord and Master” and blue jeans. He's also holding a drink from Hardee's and one of those Hardee's Thickburgers.)

DS: (mouth half-full) What'd I miss?

(cut to see DS holding a cardboard cutout of a car, running after PHM, whi is hoolding a cardboard cutout of a limo.)

DS: I'll Defeat you, Menardo! You put that bomb in my inbox!

PHM: I thought that was That_Teatime?

DS: Shut up!

(cut to a clip of a nuclear explosion, then cut to a sign that reads, “OMEG TAHT MOVEI WUZ TEH BSET THIGN EVAR!!!112”. We cut back to Darkshadows on the computer again.)

C:\> Coming to theaters near you, it's “There's a bomb in my Inbox!” Hoo hah!

C:\> In conclusion, I am a movie genius, and second,

C:\> Sincerely, darkshadows86, Lord of the Underworld.

[Big_Ol_Eyebrowz]

Umm. . . I'm not sure what to say. . .

And I still don't understand the sphere-o-ctrl

And YEAH! SAVE ME A COUPLE OF WATER BALLOONS TO THROW AT WIL WHEATON! AHAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT SPACE CADET!

[Mr. Teatime]

GAH! You still edited my email! CURSE YOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!1!1!1!1!1

But that was still funny, and, once again, not what I expected   And congratulations on making it through an entire email without saying either "Omeg" or "Renzokuken"  

[Strong_Lufis]

Actually, I did say OMEG.

(cut to a clip of a nuclear explosion, then cut to a sign that reads, “OMEG TAHT MOVEI WUZ TEH BSET THIGN EVAR!!!112”.

But still, thank you for  your comments, as always. Oh, andd C_o_I...I don't understand the Sphere-o-Ctrl either.i was half asleep when I made that.

[Faded]

Nice email! I wish there was more!

[Strong_Lufis]

So do I, man: so do I.

Send me some PMs, people!

[Strong_Lufis]

You thought you saw the end of it?

YOU THOUGHT WRONG!



Pointless Random Action Movie!

Starring:

Darkshadows

Pointy Hair Man

Fred the Rock

Beaky the Wonder Chicken

And a few special guests

(Fade in to see Darkshadows wearing a t-shirt that reads “My other shirt is a black robe” and wearing blue jeans. He is sitting on a couch in his house, watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Fred rolls in.)

Fred: Granite.

DS: (freaking out) AGH! What the heck was that?

Fred: Better through.

DS: (calming down) Oh... it's just you, Fred. Wanna watch ATHF?

Fred: Homes.

DS: That's the spirit!

(Fade to black. Fade to see a shadowy figure on a computer.)

??. ???????: Yes... Soon enough, that Darkshadows will regret not joining the forces of Shadow! MUAHAHAHAHA!

(Fade to black. Fade to see DS and Fred watching Futurama. Beaky walks in.)

Beaky: Wark?

Darkshadows: Quiet... Must watch... more... Inuyasha.

(PHM comes in.)

PHM: Umm.... you're watching Futurama -

DS: Shut up.

PHM: But -

Fred: Granite HOMES homes through!

PHM: But I was just going to point out -

Beaky: WAAAAAAAAARK!

PHM: Okay, fine! Live in your little dreamworld, where Futurama is Inuyasha, and The Fairly Oddparents is FLCL. Freaks.

(PHM walks off.)

DS: (15 minutes later, now watching FLCL) Did PHM just call us freaks?

Fred: (Shushing DS) Granite! Homes through better!

DS: What? I thought we were watching Spongebob.

(Ba-DING!)

DS: Whoa! A new e-mail! (gets up and runs out.)

(cut to see DS, with his robes on, and on the computer.)

E E E E E E E E E E E E-mail!

run Microsoft_Outlook_Espresso.exe

BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME.
 
DS: Oh, snap!
 
run Microsoft_Outlook_Esperanto.exe
 
BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME.
 
DS: What the?
 
run microsoft_Outlook_Depressio.exe
 
SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU EVEN TRYING?
 
DS: What? Don't sass back with me!
 
run Microsoft_Outlook_Express.exe
 
DS: There, that worked.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Mwahahahaha, greetings stupid. This is Mr. Teatime, stupid. And boy do I have news for you, stupid. This email is rigged...with a bomb! And it'll go off...if you try to edit it! Pausing for dramatic effect...is cool! Mwahahahahahaha! Wait...er...it seems to be going off anyway...the bomb that is. So...have fun with a bomb in your inbox,  
 
Crapfully Crappy with lots of crappy crap,  
 
Your humble servant, That_Teatime.  
 
 
 
 
 
 
C:\> Holy crap! There's a bomb in my inbox! This must mean the world is going to end! I have to save us all!

(runs outside)

DS: (panting) First, I should find some information.

(DS looks  over to his right. A cardboard cutout of Wil Wheaton is there. DS walks over to the cutout and pins it to the ground.)

DS: Alright, Wheaton! Start talking! Who put a bomb in my inbox?

(the cutout says nothing. Understandably.)

DS: (angry) Wrong answer.

(DS throws the cutout to the ground and jumps on it.)

???????????: I can tell you.

(A strange thing that is basically Homestar Runner from the Strong Bad E-mail “Impression” Jumps out from behind a cardboard cutout of a shrub.)

DS: Whoa! Who are you?

???????????: My name is HomeStawGuy, and I think that I can help.

DS: Well, spit it out, old man!

Homestarguy: Old man? I wesent that.

DS: Where is that man who put the bomb in my inbox?

Homestarguy: Oh, you gotsta be caweful awound that guy. He stole my wunch money this one time, you know.

DS: Would you get on with it?

Homestarguy: Oh yes, Mr. Wobely. Let's see... His weal name s.... Mistew Teatime.

DS: Good gravy! Mr. Teatime? I would have never know! Thanks, Homestarwhatever.

(DS runs off. Homestarguy follows.)

DS: What are YOU doing?

Homestarguy: Following you.

DS: Why?

Homestarguy: Because you'we an intwiging little man.

DS: Whatever.

(Fade out to see Darkshadows and Homestarguy looking at something.

DS: I'll take care of Teatime's guards.

Homestarguy: Whatevew you say, man.

(Cut to DS throwing water balloons at cardboard cutouts of Mark Hamill, the Queen of England, PHM, and Wil Wheaton.)

DS: Take THAT! (Action word comes up: “Jedi!”) And THAT! (“Royalty!”) And some of THIS! (“Pointy!”) Any last words, Wheaton? Sorry, time's up! (“Starfleet!”)

(cut to see Darkshadows running down a hallway, tailed by Homestarguy. Suddenly, a water pistol is placed at both of the guys' backs.)

DS: Aww... fiddlesticks.

(Homestarguy tries to run, but is hit by water from the water gun. He keeps running.

DS: Homestarguy!  You're supposed to drop!

Homestarguy: What? I'm s'posed to WHAT?! Oh, wight, wight. (Homestarguy falls to the floor.)

DS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... (breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..... (breath) oooooo....

???: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... (breath) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... (breath) aaaaaaaay...

????: Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanite.

(Pointy Hair Man and Fred come out of the shadows. PHM has two water pistols in his hands, and is wearing a fake mustache. Fred is just rolling on the floor. Fred jumps into PHM's arms, while PHM focuses one watter pistol on DS' chest.)

PHM: Who are you?
 
DS: Shadows.
 
(the camera goes for a close-up of DS' “face”)
 
DS: Darkshadows.