Bubs' All Purpose Business Guide to Businessing...ing.

We see static. The static continues for a few minutes, until finally we see a blue ground and green sky, with a man standing upside down.

Bubs: Is it on?

Coach Z: I durno, dere's a red light on, but dorn't red normally mean stop?

Bubs: It's on, it's on! Alright, Coach, you are not to speak. Understood?

Coach Z: Clear as craarystals, Bubsy.

Bubs: That...that was speaking.

Coach Z: Was it? Whoopsy.

Bubs, still upside down, coughs awkwardly.

Bubs: Hello there, viewer or viewerette. If you've purchassed this video casette, than you either really need a DVD player or are interested in learning how to business your way into the business world. I'm Bubs, and I'll be your...wait a minute...are you holding that the right way?

Coach Z: How can yeh tell?

The image rotates 90 degrees. Bubs is now on his side.

Coach Z: I think we're goord.

Bubs: So, you're interested in business. That's great! Business is my best friend.

Coach Z: Wait a hooky of a murnute, I thought I was yer best friend?

Bubs: I thought we had reached a mutual agreement in which you don't speak. So, Average Joe Viewenheimer, you must be thinking, "Bubs, you're handsome, but you can't possibly teach me business. I'm a drooling idiot." Well, sir and or madame, I'd have to say that you are wrong. I can teach you how to put aside your drool and pick up a gauntlet of business.

Coach Z: Ooh, businessessessess come in guarntlets now?

The words "Chapter one: Learning your first lesson" appear on the screen. Cut back to Bubs inside his concession stand. The camera angle is now normal.

Bubs: First and foremost, honesty is the worst policy. You've got to lie through your teeth twenty-four-seven. You might be able to guess that I am very good at this, as I have a lot of teeth. If a costumer comments on how nice the weather is, insist on your mother's grave that it's raining.

Homestar walks up to the concession stand.

Homestar: Hewwo thewe, shopkeep, I'm intewested in some minow wejuvenation potions and...maybe a 5 second night at the inn to repwenish all of my groups hit points.

Bubs: Why sure thing, Mr. Homestar. Boy it sure is raining today.

Homestar looks up at the cloudless sky.

Homestar: Yes. Yes it is.

A few moments go by.

Homestar: I should pwobabwy stop stawing at the sun now.

Bubs: So, you were interested in...tangible items? Then boy have I got the thing for you!

Homestar: Who awe you cawwing "you?"

Bubs pulls out an empty jar.

Coach Z: It's amazering!

Homestar: Oh. Man. Oh my man. That is...the bee's knees. And the cat's meow.

Bubs: Yes, yes it is. And it's all yours, for the low low price of-

Homestar: Sowd!

Homestar throws his entire wallet on the counter. He then walks off without the jar.

Bubs: Lesson number two is to always check the census to set up shop in areas with high concentrations of stupid people.

Static again for a brief moment, then the scene changes to inside a building. Bubs is standing next to a closed door.

Bubs: Location, location, and lotion. The better your location, the more people will be unable to avoid giving you money. Lotion is a good idea when spending long amounts of time in the sun.

Coach Z: Now he tells me!

(Strong Bad walks up.)

Strong Bad: Move it, man, I gotta use the bathroom.

Bubs: Sorry, it's for paying costumers only.

Strong Bad: What? But...you're in MY house.

Bubs: I've got a very nice burlap sack here. Perfect for holding all of your smaller burlap sacks. Can even hold them if things are in those smaller burlap sacks!

Strong Bad: You seem to be missing the point. YOU are in MY house, and I need to take a royal crap. So-

Bubs: Lesson four is to always keep security around. Ruffians cannot be tolerated.

Strong Bad: Who are you talking to-

Strong Mad steps out of the bathroom, toilet paper dragging from his shoe.

Bubs: Security, please show this gentleman the exit.

Strong Mad growls and approaches Strong Bad. Strong Bad sighs, unphazed.

Strong Bad: Mad, my lad...you realize of course that Strong Bad and Bubs are two entirely different people, and that I am Strong Bad, don't you?

Strong Mad scratches his head in confusion, then looks back and forth from Strong Bad to Bubs. He then focuses on Bubs, and charges. Bubs runs off. Strong Bad follows, grinning. The camera quickly spins around, to see a close-up of Coach Z's face.

Coach Z: Dorn't listen to that jerkface "buirsiness!" He stole my best friend! Coach Z is better than Buirsness! You should take a video cooorse on how to be the Coach Z! Whuh oh...

The camera turns again to see Bubs, Strong Mad and Strong Bad running right towards it-

Static for several minutes.

Bubs is now standing in front of his concession stand again, his right arm covered in bandages.

Bubs: Thanks again for filling in with the filming, Strong Sad.

Strong Sad: No problem, sir, but you promised not to hurt any of my pet ants if I did this for you, remember?

Bubs: Sure, whatever. I take it you haven't seen lesson one, have you?

Strong Sad: What?

Bubs: Good, good. So, we've learned so far that location is important, that security is important, and that idiots are not only important, but vital to your career as a businessman. Next we will be learning how to deal with-

(Coach Z storms up, looking angry.)

Coach Z: Bubs, buirsiness is a traitor! I caught him with another man!

Bubs: Not you again...

Coach Z: Yearh! You see, I wars-

Suddenly Coach Z's voice cuts out. Bub's voice comes in over it, horribly out of synch with the Coach's mouth.

Coach Z/Bubs: Bubs, I have no complaints at all, in fact, you are such an amazing businessman and or woman that I would like to say that any viewer who doesn't learn from this video should in no way hold the creator responsible and sue the blue pants off of him. In fact, if you didn't learn anything, blame youself. This video is flawless, I say. Now I'm going to leave. Yep. Right now. Riiiight...now.

Bub's voice cuts out, leaving Coach Z in a very aggrivated syllable.

Coach Z: Eooooeeeeaaaarrrghhooooaaarrrrroooaoaoooaaaeeeergghb!

He storms off.

Bubs: That's all for video one, my friends. Be sure to work for a couple months then spend all that money on video 2: "Advertising until people would rather destroy their TV than buy your product." Bubs swimsuit video coming out this July.

Static. Then darkness.