Taking a Stand: NEW Halloween Special!! For Real!!

[Depressio]

Current Cast

Name: stinkoman k
Current Occupation: Pretzel Stand employee, squatter
Previous Occupation: Sno-Kone Stand employee, vagrant
Episode Appearances: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, Halloween Special, Halloween Special 2

Name: Depressio
Current Occupation: Unknown
Washed Up: Email thread writer, game show host
Episode Appearances: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, Halloween Special, Halloween Special 2

Name: Conner
Current Occupation: Omnistand Employee
Hobbies: Team building activities, trust falls
Episode Appearances: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 15, 16, Halloween Special, Halloween Special 2

Name: Goombazoid
Current Occupation: Cuilinary Mercenary - Pretzel Stand
Wants his: 5 bucks
Episode Appearances: 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, Halloween Special, Halloween Special 2

Name: ACPigeon
Current Occupation: Cuilinary Mercenary
Hates: Ants, other people
Episode Appearances: 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, Halloween Special, Halloween Special 2

----

Recurring Cast:

Name: Elina
Current Occupation: Health Inspector
Won't respond to: Bribes, K's advances
Episode Appearances: 13, 14, 15, 16, Halloween Special, Halloween Special 2

----

Former Cast

Name: potthole
Current Occupation: Wealthy
Doesn't have to: Work, wake up early
Episode Appearances: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

----

Episode 1: Please Stand By
Commentary by Stinkoman K and Depressio


A customer walks down the street. As he walks down, he passes a booth. Stinkoman K pops out and begins talking to him

Stinkoman K: How-dey-doo-dat, Customer! May I interest you in a Sno-Kone on this fine Summer day?

Customer: Uh...I'm-

Stinkoman K: So that'll be Cherry. One Cherry coming up.

Customer: Wait, I didn't order a-

Stinkoman K: Look, man, the kone is made. I can't just go unmaking these things! I mean, are you crazy?! Corporate would freak if I did that! What's more-

Customer: OK, OK, fine. (digs into pocket) I...uh...I don't have money, but...(thinks for a second) Why don't I just write my name down on this card, and you can send me the cone in the mail. I don’t actually have any cards but…yeah, we’ll work something out.

Stinkoman K: It's a done deal. Now scram! git!

The Customer runs off. Depressio walks on

Depressio: Uh...hi. I'm looking for a Mr. K. Stinkman.

Stinkoman K: I have never heard of anybody by that name, nor have I heard of a mess behind the local Walgreens.

Depressio: (looking around) Well I'm pretty sure this is the only Sno Kone place within a hundred block radius, so I'm just going to assume that one of us can't read. So...yeah. Hi. I'm working here now.

Stinkoman K: Oh, the new guy. They told me- ...nobody told me you were coming so I have to assume you are some manner of lazy incompetent fool.

Depressio: Oh. Verbal abuse. I can already tell this will be a rewarding working environment. Now if you can excuse me, I'm going to go help myself to many ingredients.

Stinkoman K: Those are for the customers. Also me!

----

Cut to a hot dog stand down the street. potthole is attaching electrodes to a bottle of ketchup.

potthole: Yeah. This can only be good for business.

Conner: Mr. Hole, Sir, I don't really get this exercise.

potthole: Well, our mustard was stolen a little while ago, so I'm taking some measures to protect our assets. Never mind that we ran out of ketchup in 1971. (turns to Conner) And hey, didn't I tell you to clean the Filthy Filthy Grease Trap?

Conner: ...you never specified what to clean it with, Sir.

potthole: Are you kidding me? How about a sponge? Or a moist towlette?

Conner: I'm not completely sure, but there may be a customer approaching.

potthole: Or that cleanser with the genie on the cover. That guy looks like he knows the score.

Customer: (wanders by, desperately trying to avoid making eye contact)

potthole: Alright kid...tell you what. If you get this guy to buy a single hot dog, I'm going to promote you on the spot. I'll even tell you where we keep the salt.

Conner: I'll try my best! (clears throat) Excuse me, sir or madam! It doesn't seem very likely, but would you happen to not loath the thought of buying a Diggity's brand meat-in-a-bun delicacy?

Customer: Uh...like you said...it doesn't seem likely. Have a...uh...day. (runs off)

potthole: Well, that was close enough. Congratulations, you've got the job!

Conner: I sure hope I get some more privileges.. Last time you promoted me, all you did was make me buy you a drink.

potthole: Well I've got some bad news for you. Extra ice.

----

Cut to a Pretzel Stand Across the way. ACP is looking around for potential customers

ACP: Ah, my good man!

Customer: Oh for the love of-

ACP: Now, sir, I assure you that here at Twister Pretzels, our pretzels are made with only the finest of spices, herbs, sweets, or lack thereofs that you desire. And if you aren’t satisfied, I'm willing to give you a reasonable amount of your money back.

Customer: ...Well, I suppose your pretzels are more sanitary than any of the other products sold around these parts. I'm pretty sure one of the booths I saw was being run by a rhinoceros.

ACP: And right you were, sir! So that will be one Plain Pretzel With Salt, I assume? (whips it up) Here you go, then! That'll be 8 boxes of currency.

Customer: (taking the pretzel and examining it) Um...is the salt supposed to move around like that?

ACP: No, it's Saturday! What are you talking about?

Customer. EW! This thing is covered with ants! (looking around) Urgh, your whole booth is full of them! What's wrong with you?

ACP: Uh, um, uh- no, come back! (pauses) I need some help here.

ACP starts to take a bite of a pretzel out of depression, but thinks better of it and throws it out

----

Cut back to the Sno Kone booth

Depressio: ...So...and correct me if I'm wrong here...these Sno Kones are nothing but ice and, on occasion, food coloring.

Stinkoman K: Don't look at me, I'm just guessing.

Depressio: In a related story, I have a sneaking suspicious than Strawberry and Cherry are the same flavor.

Stinkoman K: Enough of this jibber jabber! You know nothing!

Conner approaches

Conner: Excuse me? I help run a small stall down the block there, and I was wondering if you would be willing to give me a small cup of ice?

Stinkoman K: Hey, this stuff isn't free! Rookie, tell him how free it is.

Depressio: Um...not so free?

Stinkoman K: He's right for once. Now get out. Go!

Conner: Please, just a-

Stinkoman K: Hose him.

Depressio: Umm...are you sure? I mean, he just wants to-

Conner: Yeah, I don't want to be involved with th-

Stinkoman K grabs a squirter of lemon flavoring and shoots it at Conner

Conner: Eh! Ah! Akt! Yum! Ergh! sputter

Depressio: Umm...isn't that stuff expensive? Wouldn't it be more cost effective if we were to just give him the...

Stinkoman K: Hahahahahahahaah huh what? Yeah it's coming out of your paycheck. Cool, huh?

Depressio: ...Yay?

----

On the next episode of Taking a Stand…

potthole receives some bad news:

potthole: What? No drink? Bah! If I wanted failure, I could just look all around me!

Depressio notices something troubling:

Depressio: So by my calculations, we need to sell roughly 7 sno-kones by the end of the day…that seems likely…

Stinkoman K: More like you're a no-kone....That one may need some tweaking.

And ACP tries to solve his bug problem

ACP: Hello? The Pound? Do I have a deal for you!

[HomeStarRunnerTron]

I wish there was a better, more awesome way of typing laughing, besides LOL or HAHAHAHAHAHA, because that thing breaks over the "sound barrier" of funny! .. Like a written form of Superman! This was... stupendously hilarious. I think that's the best words I can get out. I can just imagine it, now. - It nearly grosses me out!

Favorite Lines:

"How-dey-doo-dat, Customer!" (I just like the sound of it! I shall commence integrating that into my common speech.)

"Now if you can excuse me, I'm going to go help myself to many ingredients.

Those are for the customers. Also me!"

"Excuse me, sir or madam! It doesn't seem very likely, but would you happen to not loath the thought of buying a Diggity's brand meat-in-a-bun delicacy?"

"Have a... uh.. day."

"How about a sponge? Or a moist towlette?"

"Hey, this stuff isn't free! Rookie, tell him how free it is.

Um... not so free?

He's right for once."

"Hello? The Pound? Do I have a deal for you!"

A solid 11/10, Mr. Pressio and K. Stinkman! Can't wait (or WILL wait) for the upcoming episode! Which probably isn't so solid, as the extra digit flowing over the denominator probably shall fall off it's current position in the numerator.

... making it... 10/10 + 1/10.

Also, I can hardly choose between the stands, but if it was a life-death situation, I'd just pick one at random- and I pick Sno Kone!

[Conner]

Ha, this is really funny.

Can't wait for the next one.

[Goombazoid]

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

[that_lufis]

I love it. Nothing more can be said.

[daBurninator]

[Snakewater]

That was sweet, guys! Keep up the good work!

Favorite Line:

Have a...uh...day.

[Stephen Stills]

Episode 2: Hilarious Title
Commentary by Stinkoman K, Depressio, and goombazoid

Open on the hot dog stand. Conner is still soaking wet. potthole is standing around, uninterested

Conner: ...which is why there's no ice.

potthole: Yeah, I heard you last chapter. But that doesn't solve the case of the drink that never was.

Conner: Oh by the way, you said we were missing mustard, right?

potthole: WHO TOLD YOU?

Conner: ...well, sir, I couldn't help but notice that that sno-kone joint down the street has a new flavor.

flashback to the previous day

Stinkoman K: *flavoring a sno kone with mustard* Yeah, this can only be good for business.

Cut back to present day

potthole: Well, I would believe you if you weren't a compulsive liar.

Conner: Sir, these people - I assume - have taken our condiment! Is it not our duty to retrieve it?

potthole: Fine, if you're so...willing to do your job, take this conspicuous listening device over to the Sno Kone hut. Once they say anything incriminating, the constitution says we have the right to burn down their stand.

Conner: I believe you because you are not a compulsive liar. This may be tough, sir, but I am fully willing t-

potthole: That's enough talking.

----

Cut back to the Sno Cone booth

Depressio: Yeah...from the look of it, we need to make a whole lot of sales by the end of the day. I'm sure that'll work out. You've already demonstrated how great you are with people.

Stinkoman K: I wasn't listening. What was your name again?

Depressio: You should know it by now. You've already made several insulting puns about it in the last 15 minutes.

Stinkoman K: Dude, that was hilarious.

*Conner slowly walks up*

Srinkoman K: Regressio! Sell him stuff!

Depressio: But didn't you just gave me a whole speech about how I shouldn't tolerate "interlopers."

Stinkoman K: Dude, that was hilarious.

Depressio: (sighs, turning to Conner) Hello. Do you want a Sno Kone, or should I just get you the usual? (holds up the hose)

Conner: *Bumps into the stand* Oh, my! I didn't see you there! Yes, I would like one mustard-kone, please.

Stinkoman K: I told you they'd sell

Depressio: I am shamed by my lack of awareness. *Pulls out mustard ad begins to make cone*

Conner: Excuse me one moment. *turns around and talks into a walkie-talkie* Agent dumbface to agent grandsupreme, do you read me, over?

Cut back to the hot dog stand. potthole is fast asleep. Cut back to the Sno-Kone stand

Conner: He must trust me to carry out the mission myself! I'll just plant the listening device, and run off

Depressio: You know what I like about this guy? His eerie whispering.

Conner: *taking kone* ...And in return, Sirs or Its, I offer you this 100% genuine Cactus. Great for appealing to customers.

Stinkoman K: I'll take it!

Depressio: But don't we desperately need income?

Stinkoman K: Maybe people with houses do.

Conner looks around and dashes off, shoving his disgusto-cone into a stranger's hand.

----

Cut to the pretzel booth. ACP is staring at the numerous ants

ACP: Man, if somebody who can get rid of these ants doesn't show up in like the next stage directions, I swear I'll-

goombazoid walks on

goombazoid: Excuse me, but do you know where I can find...(looking at a piece of paper) Animal Crossing Pigeon?

ACP: Ah, good! You're the restaurant expert, right?

goombazoid: Well, I stole some bread from a restaurant once if that's what you mean.

ACP: Uh, you're the guy with the ad in the newsp-

...what are you eating?

goombazoid: Some street lunatic gave me a Mustard-flavored Sno Kone. Once you get past the terrible taste, it's not that bad. (looking around) So...from what I hear, these other booths are cramping your style. What are their weak points? Do they have some sort of throbbing energy core that I could fire lasers at?

ACP: What? I called you about an ant problem! Look, I just need these taken care of, and then you can leave.

goombazoid: (looking around) What ants?

ACP: What! What are you talking about; look around you! There're ants in almost everything! There are at least three in your-your "food item"

goombazoid: Oh...I thought these were part of the whipped topping...

----

On the next Taking a Stand...

potthole begins to miss an old friend:

potthole: Hey, I wonder whatever happened to that cactus...

The ant problems escalates:

ACP: Okay, they're starting to build civilizations. Not the greatest bit of news today

...and Depressio makes a startling discovery

Radio Announcer: ...reported sightings of a Secret Ingredient...

[Elina]

Once again, Great Job!!

[Conner]

Hah, really sweet.

I want a disgusto-cone.

[Goombazoid]

Dude, that was hilarious.

[that_lufis]

Dude.

That was hilarious.

[Depressio]

Episode 3: Birth of a Plot
Commentary by Stinkoman K, Depressio, and ACPigeon

goombazoid and ACP are standing around in the Pretzel stand

goombazoid: Hey I'm hungry, Is there anything to eat around he- over there?

ACP: It would help if you actually got rid of these insects, like you're supposed to.

goombazoid: Yeah, it does look like hot dogs. I'll go check.

ACP: ...bring me something.

Cut to the Sno Kone booth. Depressio is sitting around bored, while K seems content staring at the cactus that Conner dropped off. They are both oblivious to the fact that it is actually a recording device

Depressio: Isn't there anything to do around here other than watching ice melt?

K: Well, there's a radio in the back somewhere.

Depressio: That sounds marginally entertaining.

K: Yeah, well, the "off" button is broken, so...have fun.

Cut to the Hot Dog Booth. Conner is fiddling with a receiver, trying to listen in to the Sno Kone booth. potthole is standing there, watching him work

Conner: I think that if I were to take this green wire and hook it straight to the flux cap-

potthole: Maybe you can try actually turning it on as opposed to doing everything horrible wrong.

Conner: You told me this was definitely the way to go. That's a direct quote.

potthole: Yeah, that's another thing you did wrong.

goombazoid: Hey, competitors, I'll take one morsel of food, preferably edible. And while you are at it, you should probably go out of business, cause pretzels are the new hot dogs.

potthole: Pretzels? You must be one of those spies from the Sno Kone booth!

goombazoid: ...(blinks) Just make with the hot dog.

Conner: (motioning to the radio) Oh! Sir, it's Working!

potthole: Shut up! It's working!

 Cut back to the Sno Kone booth

Depressio: (runs up to K) Hey, you'll never guess what I just heard? Limit: one guess per customer.

K: What, you got that contraption going? It's working?

Depressio: Yeah, it's working. All it needed was a gentle touch, followed by repeated bashings with blunt objects. But yeah. I heard the weirdest thing on the radio...

K: How could that be? The weirdest thing is right in front of me!
Oh, yes, one for me.

K takes out a stenographer's notebook and makes a note

Depressio: I...(blinks for a second) Right...well, have you ever heard anything about a Secret Ingredient?

K: I hope it's a diet ingredient! Because... you're so fat... and you need...

awkward pause

K: I'm not going to write this one down.

Depressio: Yeah, good call. Anyways, supposedly a group of scientists were developing this one topping that's supposed to make anything taste pleasant. Even if you touch it. (pauses for a second) See, I can...I can do it...

K: Too bad I lost the record book. So, makes things taste good, eh? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Depressio: I'm just going to assume that what you're thinking is wrong and unproductive. What you SHOULD be thinking is that if we get a hold of that particular ingredient, we could probably sell like, the bare minimum of Sno Kones necessary to keep these miserable business alive.

K: ...which is exactly what I was thinking. So, how does one go about finding such a thing?

Depressio: Well, you should probably go down to the Lab and pick it up. I would but...you know...circumstances...and such.

K: The Lab? Explain furtherward.

Depressio: What, you don't know where The Lab is?What are you, foolish? Uninformed? Dense? Come on! If you haven't heard of The Lab, you have lost my respect...as well as the respect of an entire generation.

K: Yeah, that's clearly a set-up to an obvious joke. I get a point for that.

Depressio: ...Yeah, I don't...I don't know where it is...

Cut to the Hot Dog booth

Conner: Did you hear that? Prodigious!

potthole: Hey, if we get that ingredient, this booth will finally start making money, and I can finally stop working in this squalid wasteland! (to Conner) Get over to that Lab! Immediately! Stop stalling!

Conner: I'm off!

goombazoid: Yeah I think I'm going to wait around here for awhile and prepare for my sneak attack. I mean...my raid. I mean...my ambush.

potthole: Yeah, knock yourself out.

----

On the next Taking a Stand...

 K decides to ask for directions to the Lab

K: No, there's a street there.

Customer: Look, I don’t know who you are, but-

K: What? No, a street!

Depressio finds it difficult to hold down the booth alone.

Depressio: (looking in the freezer) Yeah, this isn't ice. It's just cold sand.

And ACP tries a new strategy…

ACP: (holding a bee hive) According to science, the natural enemy of the ant is a swarm of bees.

...only to have it backfire quickly.

ACP: (running back and forth) OH NO! THERE ARE BEES!

[Conner]

Another great one. Nice job.

[Goombazoid]

I don't know if its possible for this to be funnier. I can't wait for the next episode:

And ACP tries a new strategy…
ACP: (holding a bee hive) According to science, the natural enemy of the ant is a swarm of bees.
...only to have it backfire quickly.
ACP: (running back and forth) OH NO! THERE ARE BEES!

Sounds awesome.