Taking a Stand: Three Part New Years Special!!

[that_lufis]

You two are amazing. This is just genius.

Dude, that was hilarious/Dude, that was hilarious

[stinkoman k]

Episode 4: Laboratory Retrievers
Commentary by Stinkoman K and Depressio

Conner walks up to the lab. He moves to open the door, but K jumps out of some bushes and tackles him

Stinkoman K: Pizzowneled!

Conner: I am slain!

cut back to Conner walking up to the lab. Whatever just happened was a dream sequence

Stinkoman K leaps at Conner and misses

Conner: Uh... hello?

Stinkoman K: Yes. Um. Quite. So. I see you know about the mystic persimmon, too.

Conner: If by that you mean The Secret Ingredient, then-

cut to a few minutes earlier

potthole: OK, for the last time. ARE YOU SURE you understand? You cannot, under any circumstances, tell those other leeches about the Secret Ingredient. If you remember one thing this year, make it that.

Cut back to present day. I mean, minute.

Conner: ...then I have no idea what that is.

Stinkoman K: In that case, I'm just gonna pop this lab door open and watch you go away.

Conner: Okay. I'll uh... do that. Only I... I won't really. I'm sorry.

The two walk inside. There is a lone scientist standing around in front of a giant vault

Scientist: What's this? A robbery? A hold-up?

Stinkoman K: Well I have been described as having Train Robberesque qualities.

Conner: Excuse me, we were told there would be Secret Ingredients housed here. Is there any way we could access these stores?

Scientist: Bah! I don't go around giving Secret Ingredients to just anyone, no matter how foul-smelling or repulsive they are.

Stinkoman K: But Flabby is still at the cart!

cut to the sno kone stand

Depressio: *frowns*

Cut Back to the future lab

Scientist: ...Anyways, if you want the Secret Ingredient, you are going to need to prove your worth. And your mettle. And if we have time, I'll see if you have "the right stuff."

Cut to a few minutes later. K and Conner are at game show-style podiums. Scientist is standing next to them, holding some questions

Scientist:Who's ready for some knowledge?

Stinkoman K: I hope this isn't like that last game show I was on. I mean, who actually cares about kirby's original color?

Cut to Depressio. He sheds a single tear. Cut back to the lab

Scientist: Alright...so, to determine who is most worthy of the Secret Ingredient, I have decided to quiz you two on a carefully selected topic. And that topic is...(pauses and reads his card) "Squatting in a Booth." (pauses again) Oh...wait, no. My mistake. It's "Booth Safety."

Conner: I've trained all my life for this. Well, no. I was trying to be dramatic. Sorry.

Stinkoman K: You lost my interest and now disappoint me. Like I needed any more of that.

Scientist: OK, question #1...according to Page 52 in the "Booth Safety Guide For Aspiring Booth Employees" what is Professor R. Worthington's argument about the cost benefits of the transatlantic economic trendsetting?

Stinkoman K: What is Slave Labor?

Scientist: You're the very worst. (turns to Conner) You, with your hand up. Go for it.

Conner: Worthington's basic premise is that the amount of stalls overseas goes up as the proportionate recallibration of the principles moves down, barring any unforseen delays.

Scientist: Hey, that's right! And that's also the answer to the next two questions!
(he pauses for a second) You know what. (points to K) You should probably just leave at once. Come back when you're not unforgivably ignorant.

Stinkoman K: Well I was going to call greym'n over, but that would just make things worse, wouldn't it.

Scientist: Absolutely. That guy is certifiably terrible.

Cut back to Depressio. He takes out his wallet and crumples up a picture of the Scientist. Cut back to the lab

Stinkoman K leaves the lab, but stops right outside the door to listen in

Conner: So I can have the ingredient now, right?

Scientist: (laughing) Oh-ho-ho-ho. Of course you can't. You CAN, however, listen to me tell you where a key is. You'll need the key to open the lock and get the ingredient. I used to have it with me, but they took it away when I kept making people compete in quiz shows every time they talked to me.

Conner: I think you just wasted my time.

Scientist: Don't worry...you can find the key at the old abandoned Snow Kone booth.

Conner: That's not what you said. I really hope you did not just say what you did. Not that I doubt you. I just... I mean... yeah. Sorry.

Scientist: Silence your talking. Go to the Sno-Kone booth. There you'll find your answer. And by answer, I mean key.

Conner: ...I'm going to go talk to the boss.

----

On the next Taking a Stand...

Conner shares the new intel with potthole

Conner: so it's over in the Sno-Kone place. I don't think they know, though.

...completely unaware that K is listening in

potthole: Hey, you actually got it done right, good job. I like the special effects too. How did you get that shrub over there to start cackling like that?

Stinkoman K: A me in the bush is worth a key in the hand. And I think a rash, too.

And Depressio finds out about that no one is interested in Member Survivor anymore

Depressio: (sobs pathetically)

[Mr. Teatime]

This is the Teatime Comment of Approval. If you are reading this comment, the story in this thread has been approved. By Teatime. So good job.

[stinkoman k]

This is the Teatime Comment of Approval. If you are reading this comment, the story in this thread has been approved. By Teatime. So good job.

The highest honor! For reals!

[Conner]

Another amazing piece. Nice job.

[Snakewater]

My favorite part is pretty much the copmlpete ignoracnce of the pretzel stand. Someone just got owned!

Lucky Number Sleven/10

Wait. I don't even know what that means.

More than 10/10

[Goombazoid]

Stinkoman K: I hope this isn't like that last game show I was on. I mean, who actually cares about kirby's original color?

Cut to Depressio. He sheds a single tear. Cut back to the lab

That was probably my favourite part...most probably.

[Depressio]

Episode 5: The Pretzel Stand Guys Are In This Episode
Commentary by Stinkoman K, Depressio, and goombazoid

Open on K, who is still squatting in a bush after easedropping on the Hot Dog Stand

Stinkoman K: Man, you'd think this bush would have more room. I mean, I've seen roomier trash cans!

 Another part of the bush rustles

goomba: (concealing himself in the bush) So...Sno Kone stand...that must be the one with the ice.
 
Stinkoman K: What Th-!! This is not a dual-seater!
 
goomba: But there are more than enough thorns to go around!

Stinkoman K: Get it out!

goomba: Yeah, I should go. I think I left my...stock...quotes...over at your booth. (runs off)

Stinkoman K: Hey, he's after the key! I've got to catch up to him and warn that rookie! It would both stop him and protect the key at the same time! Wait. maybe that's what he wants me to think! Maybe I should go over to his booth and give it the old ShaKedown!
 
Cut to the Hot Dog Stand. potthole is staring at the bush that K and goomba just walked out of

potthole: (to Conner) What did I tell you regarding your frollicking in that bush? That is a company bush!
Conner: you told me this over here was the company Shrub!

potthole: READ BETWEEN THE LINES!

Cut to the Sno Kone booth. Depressio feels a Sno Kone with water instead of ice and starts "eating" it

Depressio: Eh, close enough.

goomba rushes over

goomba: Hey poorly motivated worker. I'm in the mood for one of your tasty health code violations. Only, can I have it...secret key flavoured?

Depressio: Uh...is that "blue raspberry?"

goomba: NO! Haven't you seen some ridiculous key somewhere? Anywhere?

Depressio: ...Is this that game where I'm supposed to guess whether it’s an Animal/Vegetable/Mineral?

goomba: ...Forget it. I'm just going to go into your back room and fiddle around for awhile. While I'm at it, can I help myself to your valuables?

Depressio: Uh...you're going to have to ask the guy in charge. Though I'm almost positive he's abandoned his post. So now I'm in charge!

goomba: ...So can I take a look for-

Depressio: Absolutely not.

Cut to the Pretzel Stand. ACP who is staring blankly at the ants. K walks up, out of breath

Stinkoman K: *pant* okay *wheeze* give up your secrets. Also, I'd appreciate, like, A sponge.

ACP: I didn't even know it was possible to pronounce an asterisk. Also, no. And... no. Ew.

Stinkoman K: Look, I just need the key lime pie. I mean, just the key.

ACP: What, this key?

ACP reaches down to the ground. He grabs a key, but a swarm of ants grabs it away from him

ACP: Sorry, I'd love to give this to you but I'm COVERED IN FRIGGIN' ANTS! GET THEM OFF OF ME!

Stinkoman K backs away nervously

Stinkoman K: Okay, so, I need that key, so I'll have to get rid of those ants. Hmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmm. Hmmmm- ...Mustard-Cone!

----

On the next Taking a Stand...

goomba tries more ways to get into the Sno Kone stand

goomba: Yeah...hi...it turns out I'm...actually your favorite celebrity.

Depressio: Get out.

And Conner and potthole plan their strike on the Sno Kone stand

potthole: So...are you ready to go?

Conner: Let's check the list. ...uh, grappling hook?

potthole: Check. Thermal goggles?

Conner: Check. Portable Electronic Thesaurus?

potthole: Check. Deadly killer whale with mounted turret?
 
Conner: I don't want to have this discussion again.

[Elina]

goomba: Yeah, I should go. I think I left my...stock...quotes...over at your booth. (runs off)

Of all of the things to have left. Stock quotes... hmm I'll have to look into that one.

goomba: ...So can I take a look for-

Depressio: Absolutely not.
~~~
goomba: Yeah...hi...it turns out I'm...actually your favorite celebrity.

Depressio: Get out.

Nice work 'pressio. You be holding down the fort.

Stinkoman K: *pant* okay *wheeze* give up your secrets. Also, I'd appreciate, like, A sponge.

ACP: I didn't even know it was possible to pronounce an asterisk. Also, no. And... no. Ew.

This was probably my favorite part of this week's episode. "no. Ew." It's great.

Stinkoman K: Okay, so, I need that key, so I'll have to get rid of those ants. Hmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmm. Hmmmm- ...Mustard-Cone!

Could this end up being the answer to the Pretzel stand's Ant problem? Hopefully we'll find out next week.


Great Work This Week!!

[Snakewater]

ACP: Sorry, I'd love to give this to you but I'm COVERED IN FRIGGIN' ANTS! GET THEM OFF OF ME!

Could this be thr turning point of the series? Will we, years from now, refer to events as happening "Before ACPigeon Snapped," and "After ACPigeon Snapped"?

All in all, amazing.

[Goombazoid]

goomba: ...So can I take a look for-

Depressio: Absolutely not.

Foiled again.

[Mr. Teatime]

Depressio: ...Is this that game where I'm supposed to guess whether it’s an Animal/Vegetable/Mineral?

I feel like this is a reference to something that's on the tip of my brain...but it might not be and I'm completely wrong.

Best / Amazing.

[HUGE 2 tha DORK]

I feel like this is a reference to something that's on the tip of my brain...but it might not be and I'm completely wrong.

Best / Amazing.

Ooh! I have one of those. It's 20Q.

[stinkoman k]

Ooh! I have one of those. It's 20Q.

Yeah that was mostly what was in my mind as I told Depressio to rewrite that line...

[stinkoman k]

Episode 6: Standing, Still
Commentary by Stinkoman K, Depressio, and Conner
...and the ending

Depressio is eating a Mustard Cone at the Sno Cone stand

Depressio: Wow. It's worse than awful!

goomba walks on in a very poorly put together Stinkoman K costume

goomba: Greetings comrade! I'm your higher up.

Depressio: ...Hey, something's different about you...

goomba: No, that's untrue. I have all of the same quirks and personality problems.

Depressio: Yeah, whatever. Anyways, what do you want?

goomba: I'm here to collect that key that I stored here. It opens...my chest. Of valuables.

Depressio: Right.

Just as goomba is about to enter the stand, K runs up, panting

Stinkoman K: Greeting Comrade! I'm you're higher u- er, Comrades, I am both of your hi- hey, wait, I don't recognize this handsome fellow.

Depressio: What is this? Mitosis? Meiosis? Make up your mind!

goomba: (turning to K) Umm...yeah. I think one of us should leave.

Stinkoman K: Okay, what are you waiting for?

Depressio: Well, you both smell pretty terrible, so I don't really know what to believe.

Stinkoman K: Okay, I don't like you, so I just need a Mustard Kone and I'll be stealing a Key from those Pretzel chumps.

Depressio: What's with your multiple personalities and their obsession with keys? (stops for a second) Wait...only the real you would willingly order a Mustard Kone.

goomba: Umm...I'll...I'll take two Mustard...oh forget it.

goomba walks off. Depressio hands K his half-eaten mustard cone

Depressio: Here, have this one. Apparently dropping mustard on the ground is not the proper way to make it "Dijon."

Stinkoman K: Dijon? I bathe in only the finest Grey Poupon. So if you'll excuse me, I have a thirst for secret ingredient.

K walks off. Depressio moves to sit down, where suddenly Conner charges forward. potthole walks behind him, lazily

Conner: We politely ask-

potthole: Hey, kone flunky. Make with the key.

Depressio: Look. This key is obviously important. Which definitely means it's not here. We don't even have any money. Our register is just filled with napkins with dollar signs drawn on them. You must be thinking of the other Sno Kone stand. The one that sells pretzels.

Conner: So the pretzel stand has that key?

potthole: Oh that makes sense. When the scientist said "Sno Kone Stand" he must have been referring to the Pretzel Stand. It makes perfect sense!

Conner: "Always Agree!"

potthole: Well, at least you remembered what I taught you in your orientation. It was totally worth the 7 hours.

potthole and Conner walk towards the Sno Kone booth

Depressio: Well, I might as well make some Sno Kones while I wait. I wonder if they taste good without the ice or the flavoring.

----

Cut back to the Pretzel Stand. K arrives with the Mustard Kone in hand

Stinkoman K: Okay, so I just gotta put down this here Agent Yellow, and the ants will eat it and subsequently explode. It's science.

ACP: I think you're thinking of yeast or something.

Stinkoman K: Boy, I'd hate to have your lines. Anyways, check it out.

K places the Mustard Kone on the ground. The ants begin to shriek and run off. Some of them catch on fire.

After the ants have dispersed, K notices a key on the floor of the stand. He picks it up.

Stinkoman K: Back to the drawing lab! Board! Just The Lab!

----

On the next Taking a Stand

goomba returns to the Pretzel Stand

goomba: Well, I failed in my quest. It turns out my not-that-terrible plan was pretty awful.

ACP: I'll say. You never even touched the Ants!

goomba: The what?

The Hot Dog Stand workers recycle a familiar plan

Conner and potthole arrive at the Pretzel Stand wearing terrible Stinkoman K costumes, and are greeted by blank stares from goomba and ACP

Conner: Uh, greetings, comrades!

potthole: (turning to Conner) You did not do your research, did you?

And K arrives to collect the secret ingredient...

Stinkoman K: And I just put this key in and... voila!

...only to hear some frustrating news

Scientist: OK...now all you need to do is put in the second key.

Stinkoman K: ...which is a thing you have.

Scientist: Which is definitely not anything I have. Have you checked that Sno-Kone stand yet?

Stinkoman K: You should have told me that before!

Scientist: You must be thinking of my identical twin brother.

Stinkoman K: Who's writing these plots?